, it remained for our present civilisation to
make them punishable by a statute. The march of intellect, not
satisfied with directing us in life, must go a step farther and teach
us how to die. Fashionable diseases the world has been long acquainted
with, but an "illegal inflammation," and a "criminal hemorrhage" have
been reserved for the enlightened age we live in.

Newspapers will no longer inform us, in the habitual phrase, that Mr.
Simpkins died suddenly at his house at Hampstead; but, under the head
of "Shocking outrage," we shall read, "that after a long life of great
respectability and the exhibition of many virtues, this unfortunate
gentleman, it is hoped in a moment of mental alienation, went off with
a disease of the heart. The affliction of his surviving relatives at
this frightful act may be conceived, but cannot be described. His
effects, according to the statute, have been confiscated to the crown,
and a deodand of fifty shillings awarded on the apothecary who
attended him. It is hoped, that the universal execration which attends
cases of this nature may deter others from the same course; and, we
confess, our observations are directed with a painful, but we trust, a
powerful interest to certain elderly gentlemen in the neighbourhood of
Islington." _Verb. sat._

Under these sad circumstances it behoves us to look a little about,
and provide against such a contingency. It is then earnestly
recommended to heads of families, that when registering the birth of a
child, they should also include some probable or possible malady of
which he may, could, would, should, or ought to die, in the course of
time. This will show, by incontestable evidence, that the event was at
least anticipated, and being done at the earliest period of life, no
reproach can possibly lie for want of premeditation. The register
might run thus:--

Giles Tims, son of Thomas and Mary Tims, born on the 9th of June, Kent
street, Southwark--dropsy, typhus, or gout in the stomach.

It by no means follows, that he must wait for one or other of these
maladies to carry him off. Not at all; he may range at will through
the whole practice of physic, and adopt his choice. The registry only
goes to show, that he does not mean to sneak out of the world in any
under-bred way, nor bolt out of life with the abrupt precipitation of
a Frenchman after a dinner party. I have merely thrown out this hint
here as a warning to my many friends, and shall now pr