ank, and all sorts of
grandeur, you would never dare to think of me."
She drew herself up with an air of pride, as she gravely pronounced
these words, and gave me a scornful glance, or tried; and turned away
as if to enter some grand coach or palace; while I was so amazed and
grieved in my raw simplicity especially after the way in which she had
first received my news, so loving and warm-hearted, that I never said a
word, but stared and thought, "How does she mean it?"
She saw the pain upon my forehead, and the wonder in my eyes, and
leaving coach and palace too, back she flew to me in a moment, as simple
as simplest milkmaid.
"Oh, you fearful stupid, John, you inexpressibly stupid, John," she
cried with both arms round my neck, and her lips upon my forehead; "you
have called yourself thick-headed, John, and I never would believe it.
But now I do with all my heart. Will you never know what I am, love?"
"No, Lorna, that I never shall. I can understand my mother well, and one
at least of my sisters, and both the Snowe girls very easily, but you I
never understand; only love you all the more for it."
"Then never try to understand me, if the result is that, dear John. And
yet I am the very simplest of all foolish simple creatures. Nay, I am
wrong; therein I yield the palm to you, my dear. To think that I can
act so! No wonder they want me in London, as an ornament for the stage,
John."
Now in after days, when I heard of Lorna as the richest, and noblest,
and loveliest lady to be found in London, I often remembered that little
scene, and recalled every word and gesture, wondering what lay under it.
Even now, while it was quite impossible once to doubt those clear deep
eyes, and the bright lips trembling so; nevertheless I felt how much
the world would have to do with it; and that the best and truest people
cannot shake themselves quite free. However, for the moment, I was very
proud and showed it.
And herein differs fact from fancy, things as they befall us from things
as we would have them, human ends from human hopes; that the first are
moved by a thousand and the last on two wheels only, which (being named)
are desire and fear. Hope of course is nothing more than desire with a
telescope, magnifying distant matters, overlooking near ones; opening
one eye on the objects, closing the other to all objections. And if hope
be the future tense of desire, the future of fear is religion--at least
with too many of us
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