more will my heart rise with indignation against her, if I find she
hesitates but one moment (however persecuted) about preferring me to the
man she avowedly hates! But she cannot surely be so mean as to purchase
her peace with them at so dear a rate. She cannot give a sanction to
projects formed in malice, and founded in a selfishness (and that at her
own expense) which she has spirit enough to despise in others; and ought
to disavow, that we may not think her a Harlowe.

By this incoherent ramble thou wilt gather, that I am not likely to come
up in haste; since I must endeavour first to obtain some assurance from
the beloved of my soul, that I shall not be sacrificed to such a wretch
as Solmes! Woe be to the fair one, if ever she be driven into my
power (for I despair of a voluntary impulse in my favour) and I find a
difficulty in obtaining this security.

That her indifference to me is not owing to the superior liking she has
for any other, is what rivets my chains. But take care, fair one; take
care, O thou most exalted of female minds, and loveliest of persons, how
thou debasest thyself by encouraging such a competition as thy sordid
relations have set on foot in mere malice to me!--Thou wilt say I rave.
And so I do:

Perdition catch my soul, but I do love her.

Else, could I hear the perpetual revilings of her implacable
family?--Else, could I basely creep about--not her proud father's
house--but his paddock and garden walls?--Yet (a quarter of a mile
distance between us) not hoping to behold the least glimpse of her
shadow?--Else, should I think myself repaid, amply repaid, if the
fourth, fifth, or sixth midnight stroll, through unfrequented paths, and
over briery enclosures, affords me a few cold lines; the even expected
purport only to let me know, that she values the most worthless person
of her very worthless family, more than she values me; and that she
would not write at all, but to induce me to bear insults, which unman
me to bear?--My lodging in the intermediate way at a wretched alehouse;
disguised like an inmate of it: accommodations equally vile, as those
I met with in my Westphalian journey. 'Tis well, that the necessity for
all this arise not from scorn and tyranny! but is first imposed upon
herself!

But was ever hero in romance (fighting with giants and dragons excepted)
called upon to harder trials?--Fortune and family, and reversionary
grandeur on my side! Such a wretched fellow my compet