would have frightful
consequences. My thought was as quick as lightning, and the deed
followed immediately. The act, to my inner sense, had an extraordinary
clearness. I perceived the resistance of the corset and then something
else, and then the sinking of the knife into a soft substance. She
clutched at the dagger with her hands, and cut herself with it, but
could not restrain the blow.

"Long afterward, in prison when the moral revolution had been effected
within me, I thought of that minute, I remembered it as far as I could,
and I co-ordinated all the sudden changes. I remembered the terrible
consciousness which I felt,--that I was killing a wife, MY wife.

"I well remember the horror of that consciousness and I know vaguely
that, having plunged in the dagger, I drew it out again immediately,
wishing to repair and arrest my action. She straightened up and cried:

"'Nurse, he has killed me!'

"The old nurse, who had heard the noise, was standing in the doorway. I
was still erect, waiting, and not believing myself in what had happened.
But at that moment, from under her corset, the blood gushed forth. Then
only did I understand that all reparation was impossible, and promptly
I decided that it was not even necessary, that all had happened in
accordance with my wish, and that I had fulfilled my desire. I waited
until she fell, and until the nurse, exclaiming, 'Oh, my God!' ran to
her; then only I threw away the dagger and went out of the room.

"'I must not be agitated. I must be conscious of what I am doing,' I
said to myself, looking neither at her nor at the old nurse. The latter
cried and called the maid. I passed through the hall, and, after having
sent the maid, started for my study.

"'What shall I do now?' I asked myself.

"And immediately I understood what I should do. Directly after entering
the study, I went straight to the wall, took down the revolver, and
examined it attentively. It was loaded. Then I placed it on the table.
Next I picked up the sheath of the dagger, which had dropped down
behind the sofa, and then I sat down. I remained thus for a long time.
I thought of nothing, I did not try to remember anything. I heard a
stifled noise of steps, a movement of objects and of tapestries, then
the arrival of a person, and then the arrival of another person. Then
I saw Gregor bring into my room the baggage from the railway; as if any
one needed it!

"'Have you heard what has happened?' I asked h