se, the great weight of accummulated ice,
snow, and the vast accummulation of second-hand arctic relief
expeditions, will jerk the earth out of its present position with so
much spontaneity, and in such an extremely forthwith manner, that many
people will be permanently strabismused and much bric-a-brac will be for
sale at a great sacrifice. This may or may not be true. I have not been
up in the arctic regions to investigate its truth or falsity, though
there seems to be a growing sentiment throughout the country in favor of
my going. A great many people during the past year have written me and
given me their consent.

If I could take about twenty good, picked men, and go up there for the
summer, instead of bringing back twenty picked men, I wouldn't mind the
trip, and I feel that we really ought to have a larger colony on ice in
that region than we now have.

The earth is composed of land and water. Some of the water has large
chunks of ice in it. The earth revolves around its own axle once in
twenty-four hours, though it seems to revolve faster than that, and to
wobble a good deal during the holidays. Nothing tickles the earth more
than to confuse a man when he is coming home late at night, and then to
rise up suddenly and hit him in the back with a town lot. People who
think there is no fun or relaxation among the heavenly bodies certainly
have not studied their habits. Even the moon is a humorist.

A friend of mine, who was returning late at night from a regular meeting
of the Society for the Amelioration of the Hot Scotch, said that the
earth rose up suddenly in front of him, and hit him with a right of way,
and as he was about to rise up again he was stunned by a terrific blow
between the shoulder blades with an old land grant that he thought had
lapsed years ago. When he staggered to his feet he found that the moon,
in order to add to his confusion, had gone down in front of him, and
risen again behind him, with her thumb on her nose.

So I say, without fear of successful contradiction, that if you do not
think that planets and orbs and one thing and another have fun on the
quiet you are grossly ignorant of their habits.

The earth is about half way between Mercury and Saturn in the matter of
density. Mercury is of about the specific gravity of iron, while that of
Saturn corresponds with that of cork in the matter of density and
specific gravity. The earth, of course, does not compare with Mercury in
the mat