e," quoth the sage;
"I'm truly badly off,
And 'tis not right one of your age
At one like me should scoff.
I am the most enlightened man
That e'er the world did see;
So help me home, sir, if you can,
And tell me where I be."

"You make me laugh," the Porpoise said.
"Why should you come to me?
If you've all knowledge in your head,
I truly cannot see
Why you should ask a Porpoise, who
Is ignorant and plain,
What in this instance you should do
To get back home again?

"But I will tell you what I'll do:
If you will shed some light
Upon a few things--one or two--
I'll get you back all right."
"A bargain!" cried the Land-sage, loud.
"I pray you do begin."
"I will," the Porpoise said, and bowed.
"Why do you wear a chin?

"Why have you hair upon your head?
And why do men wear cuffs?
And why are cannon-crackers red?
And why is cream in puffs?
Why can't you swim on mountain-tops?
And why is water wet?
And why don't hens, like lambs, have chops?
And why don't roosters set?"

"The Land-sage paled as to his cheek.
"I cannot say," said he.
"Then why does Friday come each week?
And why do maids drink tea?
Oh tell me why all kittens mew?
And why do little boys,
When with their daily tasks they're through,
Make such a dreadful noise?

"The Porpoise waited for the sage
To answer, but in vain.
It filled the wise man full of rage
To have to flunk again.
Whereat the Porpoise, with a sneer
And very scornful glance,
Remarked: "You're very dull, I fear.
I'll give you one more chance.

"Tell me one thing I never heard
In all my life before,
And I will pass to you my word
To see you safe ashore.
But don't be rash, oh, sage," said he.
"Take all the time you need
To think of what to tell me
That's truly new indeed."

"The Land-sage thought and thought all day,
He thought the long night through,
But not an idea came his way
That he was sure was new;
And finally, in great despair,
He thought that he would see
What could be done to ease his care
By simple flattery.

"And so he spoke, "Oh, Mr. P----,
Oh, Porpoise, sleek and trim,
The thought has just occurred to me
My wisdom's rather slim;
But I believe a creature that
'S as beautiful as you
Can't have the heart to let a flat
Like me die in the blue."