aint, 60 bottles;
St. Jacob's oil, Weston's Wizard Oil, and Croton Oil, of each 100
bottles: and of Eucalyptus Oil, 900 quart bottles--but I felt no
better. Another friend advised the Herb Cure, so I took strong
decoctions of Chamomile, Pennyroyal, Peppermint, Rue, Tansy, Quassia,
Horehound, Wormwood, Aconite, Belladonna, Hemlock, Nux Vomica,
Lungwort, Liverwort, Moonwort, Sneezewort, and Snakeweed--altogether
I took about 1700 quarts of these horrid decoctions--but I felt no
better. Another friend told me my stomach was out of order, and
required cleansing, so I took of Ipecacuanha Wine 139 quarts--but
this did not cure me. Another friend said all diseases come from
insects, and I had insects in me, and must take special medicine for
them, so I took of Keating's insecticide 730 packets--but got no
better. Another friend advised me to try Homoeopathy. I took 111
tubes of pilules and 80 bottles of tinctures--but they did me no
good. Another friend advised me to try the water cure. I took cold
baths, warm baths, tepid baths, and Turkish baths in hundreds, and
drank about twenty hogsheads of mineral waters--but it did me no
good. Another friend advised the Acid Cure, so I took Acetic Acid,
Muriatic Acid, Nitric Acid, Sulphuric Acid, Oxalic Acid, and Prussic
Acid, of each about twenty quarts--but got no better. Another friend
advised Soothing Medicines, so I took over 400 of Steedman's Soothing
powders, and 130 bottles of Mother Winslow's Soothing Syrup--but I
was still irritable and nervous. My last course of medicine consisted
of Steel Drops, Balm of Gilead, Turpentine, Chloroform, Cod Liver
Oil, Assafoetida, Spanish Flies, and Cayenne Pepper--about fifteen
pounds of each--but it all did me no good. I simply got worse and
worse, and was reduced to a mere shadow of skin and bone, but, as
luck would have it, another friend came along--a true friend this
time--and suggested Cole's FUN DOCTOR. I got it, and was well and
stout in a Week, at a cost of 1s 6d.

Sworn at Temple Court, and Signed in Everlasting Gratitude,
Government House, Melbourne
JOHN SMITH

[Illustration: Bachelor, Before and After.]

[Page 193--Comic Advertiser]

[Illustration: Vocal Solo.]

A man on a train was heard to groan so frightfully that the
passengers took pity on him, and one of them gave him a drink out of
a whisky flask. "Do you feel better?" asked the giver. "I do," said
he who had groaned. "What ailed you anyway?" "Ailed me