re lethal than verbs, nouns,
prepositions and conjunctions, stating facts and only facts, clearly
and distinctly in the least possible number of words compatible with the
usages of English grammar. You will do this daily and conscientiously,
Weener, on pain of instant dismemberment, to say nothing of crucifixion
and the death of a thousand cuts."

"The _Weekly Ruminant_ and the _Honeycomb_ have found little pieces of
mine, written without special instructions, suitable for their columns,"
I mentioned defensively.

He threw himself back in his chair and stared at me with such
concentrated fury I thought he would burst the diamond stud loose from
his shirtband. "The _Weekly Ruminant_," he informed me, "was founded by
a parsimonious whoremaster whose sanctimonious rantings in public were
equaled only by his private impieties. It was brought to greatness--if
inflated circulation be a synonym--by a veritable journalistic pimp who
pandered to the public taste for literary virgins by bribing them to
commit their perverse acts in full view. It is now carried on by a
spectral corporation, losing circulation at the same rate a haemophilic
loses blood.

"As for the _Honeycomb_, it is enough to say that careful research
proves its most absorbing reading to be the 'throw away your truss' ads.
Is it not natural, Weener, that two such journals of taste and
enlightenment should appreciate your efforts? Unfortunately the _Daily
Intelligencer_ demands accounts written in intelligible English above
the level of fourthgrade grammarschool."

I would have been shocked beyond measure at his libelous smirching of
honored names and hurt as well by his slighting reference to myself had
I not known from the revealing editorial he had dictated what a
sympathetic and kindly nature was really his and how he might, beneath
this cynical pose, have an admiration great as mine for the characters
he had just slandered.

"You will be the new Peter Schlemihl, Weener; from now on you will go
forth without a ghost and any revision essential to your puny assault
upon the Republic of Letters will be done by me and God help you if I
find much to do, for my life is passing and I must have time to read
the immortal Hobbes before I die."

In spite of all he'd said I couldnt help but believe Mr Le ffacase
realized my true worth--or why did he confer on me what was practically
a promotion? I was therefore emboldened to suggest the cancellation of
the unjust