u, no matter how much I
love you. And that's more every minute!... So don't mention taking me
to your home--don't ask me again. Please, Wilson; your asking shook my
very soul! Oh, how sweet that would be--your wife!... But if dad turns
me away--I don't think he would. Yet he's so strange and like iron for
all concerning Jack. If ever he turned me out I'd have no home. I'm a
waif, you know. Then--then, Wilson ... Oh, it's horrible to be in the
position I'm in. I won't say any more. You'll understand, dear.

"It's your love that awoke me, and it's Ben Wade who has saved me.
Wilson, I love him almost as I do dad, only strangely. Do you know I
believe he had something to do with Jack getting drunk that awful
October first. I don't mean Ben would stoop to get Jack drunk. But he
might have cunningly put that opportunity in Jack's way. Drink is Jack's
weakness, as gambling is his passion. Well, I know that the liquor was
some fine old stuff which Ben gave to the cowboys. And it's significant
now how Jack avoids Ben. He hates him. He's afraid of him. He's jealous
because Ben is so much with me. I've heard Jack rave to dad about this.
But dad is just to others, if he can't be to his son.

"And so I want you to know that it's Ben Wade who has saved me. Since
I've been sick I've learned more of Ben. He's like a woman. He
understands. I never have to tell him anything. You, Wilson, were
sometimes stupid or stubborn (forgive me) about little things that girls
feel but can't explain. Ben knows. I tell you this because I want you to
understand how and why I love him. I think I love him most for his
goodness to you. Dear boy, if I hadn't loved you before Ben Wade came
I'd have fallen in love with you since, just listening to his talk of
you. But this will make you conceited. So I'll go on about Ben. He's our
friend. Why, Wilson, that sweetness, softness, gentleness about him,
the heart that makes him love us, that must be only the woman in him. I
don't know what a mother would feel like, but I do know that I seem
strangely happier since I've confessed my troubles to this man. It was
Lem who told me how Ben offered to be a friend to Jack. And Jack flouted
him. I've a queer notion that the moment Jack did this he turned his
back on a better life.

"To repeat, then, Ben Wade is our friend, and to me something more that
I've tried to explain. Maybe telling you this will make you think more
of him and listen to his advice. I hope so. Did