down her back hair. If there
isn't, Mephistopheles don't understand his business a little bit."

A WONDERFUL MACHINE.

"I see by one of the papers that a Chinaman has invented a typewriter
which writes in the Celestial language," said the Observer, handing
the bootblack a nickel and shaking hands with the crowd. "This
bright Oriental, who is known as Tap-Key, has undertaken a very large
contract, for the Chinese language, as most people know, is composed
entirely of word symbols, each of which represents a word; some
combining to form other words, as for instance, a square represents
a field, and a combination of 'man' and 'field' signifies a farmer;
while 'a man in a box' most graphically describes a prisoner, and 'two
women' typify 'gossip,' which is emphasized by adding another of the
fair sex, so that a half-dozen women in a row would probably mean the
direst kind of mischief.

[Illustration: Chinese typewriter]

"Well, to embrace any kind of a vocabulary, this machine would need to
have about 5,000 characters, and would require quite a force of men
to operate it, but the advantages which would accrue from its use are
almost inestimable. The Spaniards have found in the typewriter a most
effective instrument of war, and through its use many of Weyler's most
important battles were won. Reports from South Africa seem to indicate
that it has played no unimportant role in England's subjugation of the
Boers, and General Elwell S. Otis has even been accused of employing
it with terrible effect against the forces of Aguinaldo. With such an
awful weapon as Tap-Key has invented the Chinese government might defy
the allied powers with impunity and even regain the territory captured
by Japan. The young Emperor could doubtless put to flight the august
but doughty dowager, as well as his beloved relative, Prince Tuan,
and rule his flowery kingdom in peace and harmony, while Li Hung Chang
would lose his head, metaphorically, if not literally, in favor of
Tap-Key, future lord of the war department."

DRAWBACKS OF THE KING BUSINESS.

"No," said the Observer, thoughtfully, "I never cherished dreams
of inordinate wealth or power; there's nothing in it. If a man is
satisfied to reach a moderate altitude he may enjoy it unmolested, but
if he succeeds in scaling some remarkable height, there immediately
arises an army of envious cranks ready to take his life or make it so
miserable for him that he will be glad to s