d
with a suffusion of ill-nature--he bit as well as growled. No man of the
world ever, I am convinced, becomes a real philosopher in retirement.
People who have been employed for years upon trifles have not the
greatness of mind, which could alone make them indifferent to what they
have coveted all their lives, as most enviable and important.

"Have you read ------'s memoirs?" said Mr. Russelton. "No! Well, I
imagined every one had at least dipped into them. I have often had
serious thoughts of dignifying my own retirement, by the literary
employment of detailing my adventures in the world. I think I could
throw a new light upon things and persons, which my contemporaries will
shrink back like owls at perceiving.

"Your life," said I, "must indeed furnish matter of equal instruction
and amusement."

"Ay," answered Russelton; "amusement to the fools, but instruction to
the knaves. I am, indeed, a lamentable example of the fall of ambition.
I brought starch into all the neckcloths in England, and I end by tying
my own at a three-inch looking-glass at Calais. You are a young man, Mr.
Pelham, about to commence life, probably with the same views as (though
greater advantages than) myself; perhaps in indulging my egotism, I
shall not weary without recompensing you.

"I came into the world with an inordinate love of glory, and a great
admiration of the original; these propensities might have made me a
Shakspeare--they did more, they made me a Russelton! When I was six
years old, I cut my jacket into a coat, and turned my aunt's best
petticoat into a waistcoat. I disdained at eight the language of the
vulgar, and when my father asked me to fetch his slippers, I replied,
that my soul swelled beyond the limits of a lackey's. At nine, I was
self-inoculated with propriety of ideas. I rejected malt with the air
of His Majesty, and formed a violent affection for maraschino; though
starving at school, I never took twice of pudding, and paid sixpence
a week out of my shilling to have my shoes blacked. As I grew up, my
notions expanded. I gave myself, without restraint, to the ambition
that burnt within me--I cut my old friends, who were rather envious
than emulous of my genius, and I employed three tradesmen to make my
gloves--one for the hand, a second for the fingers, and a third for
the thumb! These two qualities made me courted and admired by a new
race--for the great secrets of being courted are to shun others, and
seem delig