, no, no,' to everybody."

"In Heaven's name, Simon," he cried, laying down his pencil, "what has
come over you?"

"Old age," said I.

He uttered his usual interjection, and added that I was only
thirty-seven.

"Age is a relative thing," I remarked. "Babes of five have been known
to die of senile decay, and I have seen irresponsible striplings of
seventy."

"I really think Eleanor Faversham had better come back from Sicily."

I tapped the letter still in my hand. "She's coming."

"I'm jolly glad to hear it. It's all my silly fault that she went away.
I thought she was getting on your nerves. But you want pulling together.
That confounded place you've been to has utterly upset you."

"On the contrary," said I, "it has steadied and amplified my conception
of sublunary affairs. It has shown me that motley is much more
profitable wear than the edged toga of the senator--"

"Oh, for God's sake, dry up," cried young England, "and tell me what
answers I'm to give these people!"

He seemed so earnest about it that I humoured him; and my correspondents
seemed so earnest that I humoured them. But it was a grim jest. Most of
the matters with which I had to deal appeared so trivial. Only here and
there did I find a chance for eumoiriety. The Wymington Hospital applied
for their annual donation.

"You generally give a tenner," said Dale.

"This time I'll give them a couple of hundred," said I.

Dale earmarked the amount wonderingly; but when I ordered him to send
five pounds apiece to the authors of various begging letters he argued
vehemently and quoted the Charity Organisation Society.

"They're frauds, all of them," he maintained.

"They're poor necessitous devils, at any rate," said I, "and they want
the money more than I do."

This was a truth whose significance Dale was far from realising. Of
what value, indeed, is money to me? There is none to whom I can usefully
bequeath my little fortune, my sisters having each married rich men. I
shall not need even Charon's obolus when I am dead, for we have ceased
to believe in him--which is a pity, as the trip across the Styx must
have been picturesque. Why, then, should I not deal myself a happy lot
and portion by squandering my money benevolently during my lifetime?

It behooves me, however, to walk warily in this as in other matters, for
if my actions too closely resemble those of a lunatic at large, trustees
may be appointed to administer my affairs, which would