of good fellows and be as
good a fellow as any of them, via the ginger-ale or mineral-water
process of conviviality.

All the asses are not solidungulate quadrupeds--a good many of them
belong to the genus homo. These are found in every center of population
and are the boys who never cease wondering how it is that any man can or
does do anything they themselves do not do, and continually comment
thereon. Ordinarily when a man of my type quits drinking the fact is
accepted after the probationary period has passed, and no further
comment is made on it. Not so with the asinine contingent. They have the
same patter to prattle unceasingly about it. They have the same comment,
the same bromides to get off, the same sneers to sneer and the same
jeers to jeer. If there was no other reason--and there are a
hundred--why I shall not do any more drinking, I shall never taste
another drop just to show these fools what fools they are when they run
up against a real determination.

It took time to get into this water-cheerful stage--a good deal of time,
a good deal of determination, a good deal of maneuvering; and it meant
the overlooking of many things that did not appeal to me, as well as
considerable charity on the part of the folks with whom I desired to
remain friendly--more on their part than on mine, I am sure.

However, it has worked out reasonably well; and as I have tried it in
New York, in Washington, in San Francisco and Boston, and in most cities
between, in London and Paris and Berlin, and in other portions of the
globe where I formerly performed under the other schedule, I think I am
safe in saying that it can be done if one sets his mind to it--that is,
a non-drinker need not necessarily be a hermit. Of course he can find
plenty of non-drinkers with whom to associate if he makes the search;
but, and it saddens me to say it, many of the non-drinking classes are
not so interesting as they might be.

However, that is only one phase of it--an important phase, but not the
only one. Doubtless it will seem erroneous to many persons, who have not
been accustomed to the sort of relaxation that full-lived men take, to
say this is important; and I freely admit that the highbrow basis is
somewhat different from the highball basis.

I grant that seekers after conversation about dull and academic
subjects may not find that conversation at a social gathering sought for
relaxation after the day's work is over; but not all conver