ul
oaths that they were cabbages. I heard quite well what I was saying,
and I swore this lie wittingly; repeating time after time, just to have
the vicious satisfaction of perjuring myself. I got intoxicated with
the thought of this matchless sin of mine. I raised three fingers in
the air, and swore, with trembling lips, in the name of the Father,
Son, and Holy Ghost, that they were cabbages.

Time went. I let myself sink down on the steps near me, and dried the
sweat from my brow and throat, drew a couple of long breaths, and
forced myself into calmness. The sun slid down; it declined towards the
afternoon. I began once more to brood over my condition. My hunger was
really something disgraceful, and, in a few hours more, night would be
here again. The question was, to think of a remedy while there was yet
time. My thoughts flew again to the lodging-house from which I had been
hunted away. I could on no account return there; but yet one could not
help thinking about it. Properly speaking, the woman was acting quite
within her rights in turning me out. How could I expect to get lodging
with any one when I could not pay for it? Besides, she had occasionally
given me a little food; even yesterday evening, after I had annoyed
her, she offered me some bread and butter. She offered it to me out of
sheer good nature, because she knew I needed it, so I had no cause to
complain. I began, even whilst I sat there on the step, to ask her
pardon in my own mind for my behaviour. Particularly, I regretted
bitterly that I had shown myself ungrateful to her at the last, and
thrown half-a-sovereign in her face....

Half-a-sovereign! I gave a whistle. The letter the messenger brought
me, where did it come from? It was only this instant I thought clearly
over this, and I divined at once how the whole thing hung together. I
grew sick with pain and shame. I whispered "Ylajali" a few times, with
hoarse voice, and flung back my head. Was it not I who, no later than
yesterday, had decided to pass her proudly by if I met her, to treat
her with the greatest indifference? Instead of that, I had only aroused
her compassion, and coaxed an alms from her. No, no, no; there would
never be an end to my degradation! Not even in her presence could I
maintain a decent position. I sank, simply sank, on all sides--every
way I turned; sank to my knees, sank to my waist, dived under in
ignominy, never to rise again--never! This was the climax! To accept
half