orchestra
and the proscenium boxes; and triumphant falling of a new act-drop_.
STOEPEL, _having thought of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese
opera, plays it uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old
gentleman approvingly remarks that this is really classical music_.

ACT II.--_A storm at the inn on the Moor_. Miss SYLVESTER _waits for
her_ GEOFFREY _and her tea. Enter_ ARNOLD.

ARNOLD. " GEOFFREY can't come, so he has sent me. I know your situation,
and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and they don't
bring candles. That is, if I'm to shake hands with you. I have told
everybody here that you are my wife. Let's have a little game of
seven-up, and pass the time profitably."

ANNIE. "Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have de-ser-er-erted me. Oh,
rash young person, (I mean you, ARNOLD,) I'm inclined to think that
you've married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. If so, you'll
have to go to America and see BEECHER about a divorce." (_Curtain
subsequently falls, and_ STOEPEL _orders the big drum to beat for an
hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their
instruments.) Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like_
WAGNER'S _music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half
flee madly away until the entr' acte is over_.

ACT III.--GEOFFREY _boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and
wooden dumb-bells_.

GEOFFREY. "There! Thank heaven I didn't break anything. The scenery, the
footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out,
however, if this prize-ring business isn't cut out. Here comes ARNOLD."

ARNOLD. "How's Miss SYLVESTER?"

GEOFFREY. "If you say anything more about her, I'll put a head on you.
She's your wife. You're a married man."

ARNOLD. "_Married_! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I
deny it. (_Curtain again falls, and_ STOEPEL _plays the entire opera of_
ERNANI _for two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the_
STOEPEL _entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The
rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort
of aggravated and superfluous cannibal_.)

ACT IV.--_Sir_ PATRICK _proves that_ GEOFFREY _is married to_ ANNIE,
_and that_ ARNOLD _isn't_. GEOFFREY _takes his weeping wife home with
him. Everybody finds out that_ GEOFFREY _is an enormous liar and an
unmitigated blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of
the