nged his
whole being, to have merged an uneasy yearning into a delicious
unconsciousness of everything but the present moment. So much of our
early gladness vanishes utterly from our memory: we can never recall the
joy with which we laid our heads on our mother's bosom or rode on our
father's back in childhood. Doubtless that joy is wrought up into our
nature, as the sunlight of long-past mornings is wrought up in the soft
mellowness of the apricot, but it is gone for ever from our imagination,
and we can only BELIEVE in the joy of childhood. But the first glad
moment in our first love is a vision which returns to us to the last,
and brings with it a thrill of feeling intense and special as the
recurrent sensation of a sweet odour breathed in a far-off hour
of happiness. It is a memory that gives a more exquisite touch to
tenderness, that feeds the madness of jealousy and adds the last
keenness to the agony of despair.

Hetty bending over the red bunches, the level rays piercing the screen
of apple-tree boughs, the length of bushy garden beyond, his own emotion
as he looked at her and believed that she was thinking of him, and that
there was no need for them to talk--Adam remembered it all to the last
moment of his life.

And Hetty? You know quite well that Adam was mistaken about her. Like
many other men, he thought the signs of love for another were signs of
love towards himself. When Adam was approaching unseen by her, she was
absorbed as usual in thinking and wondering about Arthur's possible
return. The sound of any man's footstep would have affected her just in
the same way--she would have FELT it might be Arthur before she had time
to see, and the blood that forsook her cheek in the agitation of that
momentary feeling would have rushed back again at the sight of any one
else just as much as at the sight of Adam. He was not wrong in thinking
that a change had come over Hetty: the anxieties and fears of a first
passion, with which she was trembling, had become stronger than vanity,
had given her for the first time that sense of helpless dependence on
another's feeling which awakens the clinging deprecating womanhood even
in the shallowest girl that can ever experience it, and creates in her a
sensibility to kindness which found her quite hard before. For the first
time Hetty felt that there was something soothing to her in Adam's timid
yet manly tenderness. She wanted to be treated lovingly--oh, it was
very hard