aff!!!

What was worst of all, it was an agreed and determined on thing among
them, these wise men of Gotham, to abolish all kings, clergy, and
religion, as havers. No, no--what need had such wise pows as theirs of
being taught or lectured to? What need had such feelosophers of having a
king to rule over, or a Parliament to direct them? There was not a
single one among their number, that did not think himself, in his own
conceit, as wise as Solomon or William Pitt, and as mighty as King
Nebuchadnezzar.

It was full time to put a stop to all such nonsense. The newspapers told
us what it had done abroad; and what better could we expect from it at
home? Weeds will not grow into flowers anywhere, and no man can handle
tar without being defiled; the first of which comparisons is I daresay
true, and the latter must be--for we read of it in Scripture. Well, as I
was saying, it was a brave notion of the king to put the loyalty of his
land to the test, that the daft folk might be dismayed, and that the
clanjamphrey might be tumbled down before their betters, like
windle-straes in a hurricane:--and so they were.

Such a crowd that day, when the names of the volunteers came to be taken
down! No house could have held them, even though many had not stepped
forward who thought to have got themselves enrolled. Losh me! did they
think the government was so far gone, as to take characters with deformed
legs, and thrawn necks, and blind eyes, and hashie lips, and grey hairs
on their pows? No, no, they were not put to such straits; though it
showed that the right spirit was in the creatures, and that, though their
bodies might be deformed, they had consciences to direct them, and souls
to be saved like their neighbours.

I will never forget the first day that I got my regimentals on; and when
I looked myself in the bit glass, just to think I was a sodger, who never
in my life could thole the smell of powder, and had not fired anything
but a penny cannon on a Fourth of June, when I was a haflins callant. I
thought my throat would have been cut with the black corded stock; for,
whenever I looked down, without thinking like, my chaff-blade played
clank against it, with such a dunt that I mostly chacked my tongue off.
And, as to the soaping of the hair, that beat cock-fighting. It was
really fearsome; but I could scarcely keep from laughing when I glee'd
round over my shoulder, and saw a glazed leather queue hanging for half
an