d the clashing and the clanging
As he hurls them in or hauls them from the van.

Now if some new material for these vessels could be found--
Non-metallic and in consequence a silencer of sound--
There would be within our borders
Fewer nerve and brain disorders
And more of moral uplift to go round.

I know a dashing journalist, a credit to his trade,
Who's always in the thick of it whenever there's a raid.
Bombs of various sorts and sizes
He describes and analyses,
But he can't endure a long milk-cannonade.

I've written to our Member, Dr. Philadelphus Snell,
To ask a question in the House--I think he'd do it well--
If our cows' nerves should be mangled
By the way their milk is jangled;
And, if he doesn't play, I'll try GINNELL.

* * * * *

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS.

(_The German Emperor and the Crown Prince._)

_The German Emperor._ Sit down, won't you?

_The Crown Prince._ Oh, thanks, I rather prefer standing. One's legs get
so cramped in a motor-car.

_The G. E._ Sit down!

_The C. P._ Really, I----

_The G. E._ SIT DOWN!!

_The C. P._ Oh, if you're going to take it like that, I'll--yes, yes,
there I am. Are you happy now?

_The G. E._ I don't know why I tolerate this impertinence from a
whipper-snapper like you. If I did my duty----

_The C. P._ I know what you're going to say: if you did your duty you'd
have me arrested and packed off to prison. Isn't that it? Yes, I thought
so. You want to be like old FREDERICK WILLIAM. He had FREDERICK THE
GREAT sentenced to death, and, by Jove, he all but had the sentence
carried out too. It was a deuced near thing. FREDERICK WILLIAM was mad,
you know--as mad as a hatter, and----

_The G. E._ Stop it. I will not have you add to your other misdeeds the
crime of irreverence against one of the greatest and worthiest members
of our royal House.

_The C. P._ Well, it's my House as well as yours. I dare say you regret
that, but there it is, and you won't alter it by glaring at me and
threatening me with your moustache. I'm glare-proof and moustache-proof
by this time.

_The G. E._ What have I done to deserve such a son?

_The C. P._ If it comes to that there's another way of putting it. What
have _I_ done to deserve such a father?--that's what I might ask; but
I'm too respectful, too careful of your feelings. And what's my reward?
You're always nag-nag-nagging at me, morning,