solitary
confinement there's so much fuss about. If you look at it the right way,
there's nothing in it at all.

WENTWORTH. A bit boring, perhaps.

GERALD. Boring? Nonsense. You're allowed one book a week from the prison
library, aren't you?

WENTWORTH. You know, you mustn't think that, because I'm a barrister, I
know all about the inside of a prison.

GERALD. Well, suppose you are allowed one, and you choose a French
dictionary, and try to learn it off by heart before you come out. Why,
it's the chance of a lifetime to learn French.

WENTWORTH. Well, of course, if you _could_ get a French dictionary--

GERALD. Well, there'd be _some_ book there anyway. If it's a Bible, read
it. When you've read it, count the letters in it; have little bets with
yourself as to which man's name is mentioned most times in it; put
your money on Moses and see if you win. Anything like that. If it's a
hymn-book, count how many of the rhymes rhyme and how many don't; try
and make them _all_ rhyme. Learn 'em by heart; I don't say that that
would be particularly useful to you in the business world afterwards,
but it would be amusing to see how quickly you could do it, how many you
could keep in your head at the same time.

WENTWORTH. This is too intellectual for me; my brain would go in no
time.

GERALD. You aren't doing it all day, of course; there are other things.
Physical training. Swedish exercises. Tell yourself that you'll be able
to push up fifty times from the ground before you come out. Learn to
walk on your hands. Practise cart-wheels, if you like. Gad! you could
come out a Hercules.

WENTWORTH. I can't help feeling that the strain of improving myself so
enormously would tell on me.

GERALD. Oh, you'd have your games and so on to keep you bright and
jolly.

WENTWORTH (sarcastically). Golf and cricket, I suppose?

GERALD. Golf, of course; I'm doubtful about cricket. You must have
another one for cricket, and I'm afraid the warder wouldn't play. But
golf, and squash rackets, and bowls, and billiards--and croquet--

WENTWORTH (in despair). Oh, _go_ on!

GERALD. Really, you're hopeless. What the Swiss Family Wentworth would
have done if they'd ever been shipwrecked, I can't think. Don't you
_ever_ invent _any_thing for yourself? (Excitedly) Man alive! you've
got a hymn-book and a piece of soap, what more do you want? You can
play anything with that. (Thoughtfully) Oh, I forgot the Olympic games.
Standing long jump. And