left the
nightmare far, far behind, and each one knows that the other has one
good friend in the world in whom he or she can feel entire confidence,
and their friendship is growing stronger and clearer and more normal
every day.

It is not the ceremony that makes the marriage: the ceremony only
begins it. Marriage is a slow and careful adjustment. A true story
which illustrates the opposite of this condition is that of a man and
woman who were to all appearances happily married for years. They were
apparently the very closest friends. The man's nerves were excitable
and peculiar, and his wife adjusted herself to them by indulging them
and working in every way to save him from friction. No woman could
stand that constant work of adjustment which was in reality
maladjustment, and this wife's nerves broke down unexpectedly and
completely.

When our nerves get weak we are unable to repress resistance which in a
stronger state we had covered up. This wife, while she had indulged and
protected her husband's peculiarities, had subconsciously resisted
them. When she became ill her subconscious resistance came to the
surface. She surprised herself by growing impatient with her husband.
He, of course; retorted. As she grew worse he did not find his usual
comfort from her care, and instead of trying to help her to get well he
turned his back on her and complained to another woman. Finally the
friction of the two nervous systems became dangerously intense. Each
was equally obstinate, and there was nothing to do but to separate The
woman died of a broken heart, and the man is probably insane for the
rest of his life.

It was nothing but the mismanagement of their own and each other's
nerves that made all this terrible trouble. Their love seemed genuine
at first, and could certainly have grown to be really genuine if they
had become truly adjusted. And the saddest part of the whole story is
that they were both peculiarly adapted to be of use to their
fellow-men. During the first years of their life their home was a
delight to all their friends.

Tired nerves are likely to close up a man or make him irritable,
complaining, and ugly, whereas the tendency in a woman is to be
irritable, complaining, and tearful. Now of course when each one is
selfishly looking out for his or her comfort neither one can be
expected to understand the other. The man thinks he is entirely
justified in being annoyed with the woman's tearful, irritable