s perhaps white in the year one, and a coat
made in the days of Henry Clay. He waltzed us down the room with the
airs of a drum major and put us at a table with a drummer and a cow-boy.
There we were given in charge of another colored gentleman who polished
off the plates with a greasy towel, and placed big tumblers of iced
water at each place. He took our orders and brought us the soup in
fairly good shape, except that his black fingers got into all the
plates; but you ought to have seen the rest of the dinner. He started
from the kitchen at a record-breaking pace, spinning a tray on the
forefinger of his right hand. He galloped past us and deposited his
implements on a side table, then he commenced to sling canary birds'
bath tubs, filled with heaven knows what, across the table like poker
chips, until we had a perfect collection of samples of the most
villainously cooked truck I ever tasted. I tried to make out a 'feed',
but I gave it up when the black gentleman appeared with all sorts of
pie, floating island, ice cream and jelly. I then fled in despair and
went out for a walk, but I didn't find anything but mud, smoke, and
cable cars. I tell you, Duncan, old man, you don't know what Chicago is,
or you wouldn't look so beautifully unconcerned."

A burst of laughter greeted Waterman's recital of his pathetic
experience, and then Duncan, who little relished his coming exile,
mournfully asked if any of the fellows knew some people of the right
sort in the place.

"No one but a charming creature of the vintage of forty-nine whom I saw
at the Pier last summer," retorted Howard-Jones. "She must ride sixteen
stone, but she canters about like a yearling and plasters her hair all
over her face in little curlycues, to say nothing of her voice, which
used to run an effective opposition to the steam horn at the lighthouse.
But speaking of lighthouses, you should have seen her diamond earrings;
the light on Point Judith wasn't a circumstance to them. When the heat
was too much for her, she used to mop her face with a piece of chamois
and puff like a crippled hunter. The papers called her 'the beautiful
and accomplished leader of Chicago society.' I tell you, old man, she is
the girl for you; she'll enliven your weary hours."

Another laugh greeted this effusion, but Van Vort felt compelled to
interpose an objection. "I don't believe any of you fellows know the
first thing about the West," he said. "Your ideas are bounded by Bar