er then!" sighed the Major.

"Pah!" exclaimed the Colonel scattering a pinch of snuff in his
vehemence, "I say pish, man--tush and the devil! Ya' younger these
days than ever ya' were--all ya' need to become a very youth is a
petticoat--take your old comrade's advice and marry one."

"Never!" exclaimed the Major, clenching his fists.

"Tush!" exclaimed the Colonel, snuffing. "As ya' friend, Jack, 'tis my
duty to see ya' happily married and I'll be damned if I don't. Wedlock
'twixt man and woman is--is--ah, is well, marriage. There's little
Mrs. Wadhurst over at Sevenoaks--a shape, Jack, an eye and a curst
alluring nose. Hast ever noticed her nose?"

"No!" snarled the Major.

"Ha!" sighed the Colonel. "Not to ya' taste, belike. Why then there's
Lady Lydia Flyte--a widow, Jack--another neighbour--a comely piece,
man, bright eyes, wealthy and sufficiently plump----"

"Ha' done!" snapped the Major, puffing smoke.

"Dooce take ya'!" snarled the Colonel, scattering snuff. "Begad, man
Jack, ya' damned peevish and contrary, y'are 'pon my life! If I wasn't
the most patient, long-suffering, meek and mild soul i' the world I
should be inclined to lose my temper over ya' damned stubbornness--rot
me, I should!" At this the Major chuckled..

"Your meekness, George, hath ever been equalled only by your humility!"
said he.

"Nay, but man Jack, look'ee now--'tis not that I would ram my own
happiness down thy throat, but to see thee so glum and spiritless,
damps my own joy doocedly. And the word glum brings us back to
petticoats."

"Nay George, for mercy's sake no more----"

"But comrade, a petticoat should be--ah--should be, a petticoat is--is
a--ha!"

At this moment was a knock and, the door opening, the Sergeant advanced
two paces and stood at attention:

"Your honour," said he.

"Ha, Zeb," exclaimed the Colonel, fixing him with fierce, blue eye,
"ho, Sergeant Zeb, what the dooce is a petticoat?"

The Sergeant stared at his lordship, stared at the ceiling, scratched
smooth-shaven chin with thoughtful finger and spoke.

"A petticoat, m' lud, is a article as a woman can't very well go
without and a man shouldn't--and won't!"

The Colonel set down his glass, threw back his head and roared with
laughter till he stamped. "Aha--oho!" he cried at last, sprinkling
snuff over himself and everything within reach. "O Gad, Zeb, ya'
right, ya' right--must remember that. D'ya hear that, Jack--oho--aha!"
And he r