me but the last she said "No!"

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SIDE-TRACKED.

These people wed in self-defense,
All social life they missed,
They found themselves outside the fence,
For neither played bridge-whist!

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THE BUTTERFLY AND THE ANEMONE.

Mr. Butterfly Flitter was handsome and gay,
Why, he'd ne'er given marriage a thought,
But he dallied too long by a flower one day,
And before he could flit he was caught!

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AHA!

Pious Mary knew that Jake
Gambled and drank rum too;
She married to reform the rake--
Now see what she has come to!

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MR. AND MRS. JOHN SPRATT.

She fancied him because she felt a very piquant charm
In the unexpected awful things he said--
On her remarks he could depend, they never caused alarm,
So as they both were pleased, they wed!

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A PRETTY SMOOTH GENTLEMAN.

Mary thought her husband was the finest anywhere,
He was the satisfaction of her life.
He knew too much to ever say, "Why don't you dye your hair?"
Or praise another woman to his wife!

[Illustration: DING, DANG, D-DANG]

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HOW ABSURDLY ABSURD!

Mr. Tootles rides on trolley cars a good bit of his life,
His little wife goes with him for the ride;
A friend asked why he married such a tiny little wife--
"She's so easy to get on with!" he replied.

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AND, GREAT SCOTT, HE LIKES IT!

Steve looked for a captain and not for a mate
And his friends all agree she was found,
Why, they say that the reason he's putting on weight
Is because she just ordered him 'round!

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DO YOU SEE?

Intuition, deduction, observation as well,
And a masterful knowledge of life,
All figure as naught in our efforts to find
Why this pair became husband and wife!

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LABOR SAVING.

When his wife died he married her sister,
A practical man was McGraw,
"In this way," he said, "I've no trouble
To break in a new mother-in-law."

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MATTER OF FACT.

Bert had known Gladys from child