ay my prayers? Ah! why not?
So I knelt down under the hedge, and said, "Our Father"; but that was of
no use; and now I could no longer repress cries; the horror was too great
to be borne. What should I do: run to the nearest town or village, and
request the assistance of my fellow-men? No! that I was ashamed to do;
notwithstanding the horror was upon me, I was ashamed to do that. I knew
they would consider me a maniac, if I went screaming amongst them; and I
did not wish to be considered a maniac. Moreover, I knew that I was not
a maniac, for I possessed all my reasoning powers, only the horror was
upon me--the screaming horror! But how were indifferent people to
distinguish between madness and this screaming horror? So I thought and
reasoned; and at last I determined not to go amongst my fellow-men
whatever the result might be. I went to the mouth of the dingle, and
there placing myself on my knees, I again said the Lord's Prayer; but it
was of no use; praying seemed to have no effect over the horror; the
unutterable fear appeared rather to increase than diminish; and I again
uttered wild cries, so loud that I was apprehensive they would be heard
by some chance passenger on the neighbouring road; I, therefore, went
deeper into the dingle; I sat down with my back against a thorn bush; the
thorns entered my flesh, and when I felt them I pressed harder against
the bush; I thought the pain of the flesh might in some degree counteract
the mental agony; presently I felt them no longer; the power of the
mental horror was so great that it was impossible, with that upon me, to
feel any pain from the thorns. I continued in this posture a long time,
undergoing what I cannot describe, and would not attempt if I were able.
Several times I was on the point of starting up and rushing anywhere; but
I restrained myself, for I knew I could not escape from myself, so why
should I not remain in the dingle? so I thought and said to myself, for
my reasoning powers were still uninjured. At last it appeared to me that
the horror was not so strong, not quite so strong upon me. Was it
possible that it was relaxing its grasp, releasing its prey? O what a
mercy! but it could not be--and yet I looked up to heaven, and clasped my
hands, and said, "Our Father". I said no more, I was too agitated; and
now I was almost sure that the horror had done its worst.

After a little time I arose, and staggered down yet farther into the
dingle. I