ound my
right hand grasping convulsively the three forefingers of the left, first
collectively, and then successively, wringing them till the joints
cracked; then I became quiet, but not for long.

Suddenly I started up, and could scarcely repress the shriek which was
rising to my lips. Was it possible? Yes, all too certain; the evil one
was upon me; the inscrutable horror which I had felt in my boyhood had
once more taken possession of me. I had thought that it had forsaken me;
that it would never visit me again; that I had outgrown it; that I might
almost bid defiance to it; and I had even begun to think of it without
horror, as we are in the habit of doing of horrors of which we conceive
we run no danger; and, lo! when least thought of, it had seized me again.
Every moment I felt it gathering force, and making me more wholly its
own. What should I do?--resist, of course; and I did resist. I grasped,
I tore, and strove to fling it from me; but of what avail were my
efforts? I could only have got rid of it by getting rid of myself: it
was part of myself, or rather it was all myself. I rushed amongst the
trees, and struck at them with my bare fists, and dashed my head against
them, but I felt no pain. How could I feel pain with that horror upon
me! and then I flung myself on the ground, gnawed the earth and swallowed
it; and then I looked round; it was almost total darkness in the dingle,
and the darkness added to my horror. I could no longer stay there; up I
rose from the ground, and attempted to escape; at the bottom of the
winding path which led up the acclivity I fell over something which was
lying on the ground; the something moved, and gave a kind of whine. It
was my little horse, which had made that place its lair; my little horse,
my only companion and friend in that now awful solitude. I reached the
mouth of the dingle; the sun was just sinking in the far west, behind me;
the fields were flooded with his last gleams. How beautiful everything
looked in the last gleams of the sun! I felt relieved for a moment; I
was no longer in the horrid dingle; in another minute the sun was gone,
and a big cloud occupied the place where he had been; in a little time it
was almost as dark as it had previously been in the open part of the
dingle. My horror increased; what was I to do?--it was of no use
fighting against the horror, that I saw; the more I fought against it,
the stronger it became. What should I do: s