may have been wrung, but it certainly did appear to me that as we
neared the coast of England, the behaviour of Captain Delmar was more
reserved to me (I may say it was harsher) than ever it had been before.
Hurt at treatment which I felt I did not deserve, I tried to analyse the
cause as I walked up and down the deck, and at last I decided that his
pride was again alarmed. On the one hand he was returning to his own
country, to meet with his aristocratical connections, and on the other
he was reminded of my mother, and his _mesalliance_ with her--if such a
term can be used to a woman who had sacrificed herself to one above her
in rank. At all events, I was the result of that connection, and I
presumed that he was ashamed of it, and consequently kept me at a
distance, and checked his feelings towards me. Perhaps he thought that
my mother might be induced to disclose to me that which I had under his
own hand-writing, and wore next my heart; or he might consider I was no
longer a boy, but a tall young man, and one who might be induced to
claim his protection. Such were my reflections, and my resolutions were
taken accordingly--I wanted no Bob Cross to counsel me now.

When the captain left the ship, I made no request, as did the other
midshipmen, for leave to see my friends; nor even when he returned on
board, which he did several times after the ship had gone into harbour,
and was stripping, preparatory to being docked. One thing, however,
gave me great satisfaction, which was, that when the despatch which we
brought home was published, I found my name honourably mentioned in
conjunction with other officers, and but three midshipmen were named.

When the Calliope went into dock the report of the dockyard was very
unfavourable. She required a thorough repair which would take some
months. She was therefore ordered to be paid off. In the mean time the
captain had gone to London. During his sojourn at Portsmouth I had
never spoken to him, except on duty, and he had left me without a word
of explanation as to his intentions towards me. As soon, however, as
the order came down for paying off the ship, I received a letter from
him, very cold and stiff, stating that I might, if I pleased, join any
other ship, and he would recommend me to the captain; or I might remain
on the books of the guard-ship, and wait until he commissioned another
vessel, when he would be happy to take me with him.

My reply was immediate. I