ling discourse did worthy Mrs. Coleman beguile the
way, until at length, after a walk of some two miles and a half, we
arrived at the cottage of that much-enduring laundress, the highly
respectable Mrs. Muddles, where, in due form, we were introduced to the
mixed race of children and pigs, between which heads clearer than that
of Mrs. Coleman might have been at a loss to distinguish; for if the
pigs did not exactly resemble children, the children most assuredly
looked like pigs. Here we seemed likely to remain for some time, as
there was much business to be transacted by the two matrons. First, Mrs.
Coleman's basket was unpacked, during which process that lady delivered
a long harangue, setting forth the rival merits of plum-pudding and
black draught, and ingeniously establishing a connexion between them,
which has rendered the former nearly as distasteful to me as the latter
ever since. Thence glancing slightly at the overstarched night-cap,
and delicately referring to the anti-teetotal propensities of the
laundress's sposo, she contrived so thoroughly to confuse and interlace
the various topics of her discourse, as to render it an open question,
whether the male Muddles had not got tipsy on black draught, in
consequence of the plum-pudding having overstarched the night-cap;
moreover, she distinctly called the latter article "poor fellow!" twice.
In reply to this, Mrs. Muddles, the skin of whose hands was crimped
up into patterns like sea-weed, from the amphibious nature of her
employment, and whose general appearance was, from the same cause, moist
and spongy, expressed much gratitude for the contents of the basket,
made a pathetic apology to the night-cap, tried to ignore the imbibing
propensity of her better half; but, when pressed home upon the point,
declared that when he was not engaged in the Circe-like operation of
"making a beast of hisself," he was one of the most virtuousest of men;
and finally wound up by a minute medical detail of Johnny's chilblain,
accompanied by a slight retrospective sketch of Mary Anne's departed
hooping-cough. How much longer the conversation might have continued,
it is impossible to say, for it was evident that neither of the speakers
had by any means exhausted her budget, had not Johnny, the unfortunate
proprietor of the chilblain above alluded to, seen fit to precipitate
himself, head-foremost, into a washing-tub ~267~~ of nearly scalding
water, whence his mamma, with great presence