not made to live
alone,' and I'm sure woman wasn't either, for they would have nobody to
exercise their tongues upon, and would die from repletion of small-talk,
or a pressure of gossip on the brain, or some such thing; and so a
complication of all these causes led us in our romantic moments
to indulge in visions of a snug little fireside, garnished with
an intelligent household cat, and a bright copper tea-kettle, with
ourselves seated one in each corner, regarding the scene with the
complacent gaze of proprietors; and we were only waiting till my father
should fulfil his promise of taking me into partnership, to broach the
said scheme to the old people, and endeavour to get it realised. But
lately there has been a fat fool coming constantly to our house, who
has chosen to fancy Lucy would make him a good fooless; and although the
dear girl has nearly teased, snubbed, and worried him to the borders of
insanity, he has gone on persevering with asinine obstinacy, till he has
actually dared to pop the question."

"Well, let her say 'no' as if she meant it," said Lawless; "women can,
if they like, eh? and then it will all be as right as ninepence. Eh!
don't you see?"

"Easier said than done, Lawless, unfortunately," replied Coleman; "my
fat rival is the son of an opulent drysalter, and last year he contrived
to get rid of his father."

"Dry-salted him, perhaps?" suggested Lawless.

"The consequence is," continued Coleman, not heeding the interruption,
"he is as rich as Croesus; now Lucy hasn't a penny, and all her family
are as poor as rats, so what does he do but go to my father, promises to
settle no end of tin on her, and ends by asking him to manage the matter
for him. Whereupon the governor sends for Lucy, spins her a long yarn
about duty to her family, declares she'll never get a better offer, and
winds up by desiring her to accept the dolt forthwith; and Lucy writes
to me, poor girl! to say she's in a regular fix, and thinks she'd
better die of a broken heart on the spot, unless I can propose any less
distressing but equally efficient alternative."

"What does your governor say? that she'll never have a better offer?"
asked Lawless.

"Yes," replied Freddy, "and, in the common acceptation of the term, I'm
afraid it's a melancholy truth."

"Hum! yes, that'll do," continued Lawless ~425~~ meditatively. "Freddy,
I've thought of a splendid dodge, by which we may obtain the following
advantages. _Imprimis_, selli