d break my neck," was
the unexpected answer.

"Break your neck! nonsense, man. Why, what's the matter now? Hasn't your
mad scheme succeeded beyond all expectation?"

"Ah! you may well say that!" was the rejoinder. "Beyond all expectation,
indeed! yes, I should think so, rather. If I'd expected anything of
the kind, it's thirty miles off I'd have been at the very least by this
time--more, if the horses would have done it, which I think they would
with steady driving, good luck, and a feed of beans."

"Why, what is it you fancy you've done, then?"

"Fancy I've done, eh? Well, if that isn't enough to make a fellow punch
his own father's head with vexation. What have I done, indeed! why I'll
tell you what I've done, Mr. Frank Fairlegh, since you are so obtuse as
not to have found it out by your own powers of observation. I've won the
heart of an innocent and unsuspecting young female,--I've destroyed the
dearest hopes of my particular friend,--and I've saddled myself with
a ~439~~ superfluous wife, when my affections are reposing in the
cold--ar--what do you call it, tomb, eh? of the future Lady Oaklands--If
that isn't a pretty fair morning's work, it's a pity, eh?"

"My dear Lawless," replied I, with difficulty repressing a laugh, "you
don't really suppose Lucy Markham means to accept you?"

"Eh! why not? Of course I do, didn't Governor Coleman tell me so? an old
reptile!"

"Set your mind at ease," replied I; and I then detailed to him my
conversation with Lucy Markham, and convinced him that her partial
acceptance of his proposal, which had been made the most of by Mr.
Coleman, was merely done at my suggestion, to ensure the dismissal of
Mr. Lowe Brown. As I concluded, he broke forth:--

"Ah! I see, sold again! It's an easy thing to make a fool of me where
women are concerned; they're a kind of cattle I never shall understand,
if I were to live as long as Saint Methuselah, and take Old Parr's life
pills twice a day into the bargain. Anything about a horse, now--"

"Then you'll postpone the gravel-pit performance _ad infinitum_?"
interrupted I.

"Eh? yes! it would be a pity to go and sacrifice the new tandem, if it
is not absolutely necessary to one's peace of mind, so I shall think
better of it this time," was the rejoinder.

"By the way," resumed Lawless, as we drove through Heathfield Park,
"I must not forget that I've got to immolate Shrimp on the altar of my
aspersed reputation--call his master a 'scamp,'