anner.

"Not many people here to-night," said Tony from behind his plate.

"Why, there is the usual number," said the husband in surprise, "my
wife and myself live alone."

"Oh," said Tony, looking around at the tremendous dining hall, "I
thought this was a restaurant."

[Illustration: "'OH,' SAID TONY, 'I THOUGHT THIS WAS A RESTAURANT'"]

Tim started laughing then, and he hasn't stopped yet. He's so proud he
didn't make the mistake himself.

The "Spider" didn't open his mouth save for the purpose of eating. He
told me he was afraid his teeth would chatter.

_Aug. 20th._ Got a letter from Polly to-day. She says that her finger
is just itching for the ring. I told the "Spider" about it and he said
that he had several unset stones he'd let me have for next to
nothing. A good burglar is one of the most valuable friends a man can
possess.

_Sept. 3d._ I had such a set-back to-day. Never was I more confounded.
This morning I received a notice to report before the examining board
for a first class rating. Of course I had been expecting some slight
recognition of my real worth for a long time, but when the blow fell I
was hardly prepared for it. Hurrying to "My Blue Jacket's Manual," I
succeeded by the aid of a picture in getting firmly in my mind the
port and starboard side of a ship and then I presented myself before
the examiners--three doughty and unsmiling officers. There were about
twelve of us up for examination. Seating ourselves before the three
gentlemen, we gazed upon them with ill-concealed trepidation. One of
them called the roll in a languid manner, and then without further
preliminaries the battle began, and I received the first shock of the
assault. I don't quite remember the question that man asked me, it was
all too ghastly at the time, but I think it was something like this:

"What would you do if you were at the wheel in a dense fog and you
heard three whistles on your port beam, four whistles off the
starboard bow, and a prolonged toot dead ahead?"

"I would still remain in a dense fog," I gasped in a low voice.

"Speak up!" snapped the officer.

"Full speed ahead and jumps," whispered a guy next to me. It sounded
reasonable. I seized upon it eagerly.

"I'd put full steam ahead and jump, sir," I replied.

"Are you mad?" shouted the amazed officer.

"No, sir," I hastened to assure him, "only profoundly perplexed. I
think, sir, that I would go into a conference, under the
circumstances