e Poet, "until I've
had my Christmas dinner, and then _I'm mincepie-r'd_!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: EXCELSIOR!

_She._ "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE A _MUSICIAN_; HERR MUeLLER."

_He._ "A MUSICIAN? ACH, NO--GOTT VORPIT! I AM A _WAGNERIAN_!"]

* * * * *

AN IMPERIAL STAGE-MANAGER.

[Illustration: Only in Play!]

"_GUILLAUME DEUX_," says the _Figaro_, "_prend tres au serieux sa tache de
moralisateur._" He is his own Licenser of plays, and, it may be presumed,
collars the fees for doing the official Licenser's work; that is, if there
be a department of this nature in the Lord Chamberlain's Office. And His
Imperial Highhandedness not only is his own licenser, but is a
self-appointed Stage-Manager, for, continues the _Figaro_, "_Il a prescrit
que, dans une piece moderne, LE NOUVEAU MAITRE, une scene un peu violente
ne fut pas jouee a l'avant-scene, mais au fond du theatre._" If His
Imperial Majesty should permit some of IBSEN'S plays to be performed,
_Ghosts_ for example, or _Hedda Gabler_, no doubt most of the dialogue
would be given right at the back of the stage, out of ear-shot of the
audience. In ordinary dramas the Villain who may have to use strong
language, or in farce the Eccentric Comedian who frequently has to utter
more or less playfully a meaningless "big big D," would by Imperial command
be compelled to "retire up" to deliver himself of the expletive, and then
would have to "come down to the front" and continue the stage-business.
But, not satisfied with merely giving the above stage-directions, His
Imperial Majesty "_est alle samedi s'assurer en personne que ses ordres
etaient bien executes._" No dodging such an Emperor as this. How would Herr
Von IRVING and Herr TOOLE like this personal supervision? And how about
Herren JONES, PINERO, W.S. GILBERT and a few others, who would not
particularly enjoy having their stage-directions upset by even an Imperial
amateur. The next move of GUILLAUME DEUX will be to make himself honorary
prompter, and it may be to cast himself for the leading parts.

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

"_DICKENSII nihil a me alienum puto_," quoth the Baron, taking up _A Week's
Tramp in Dickens-Land_. By W.K. HUGHES, F.L.S., with Illustrations by F.G.
KITTON, and Others, published by Messrs. CHAPMAN AND HALL. Ahem! The frisky
KITTON, having several tales to play with (probably some relation to