When oh, what a surprise!
Plump in the midst of a "puddingy" face,
Coarse-cut in feature, devoid of grace,
Nature capricious had chosen to place
Two lovely brown eyes!

_Chorus._

Two lovely brown eyes!
Oh, what a surprise!
There on each side of a salient "snub,"
Two lovely brown eyes:

Brown? Ah, yes! But, alack! alack!
The brown was fringed with a halo of _black_,
Fruit, it was plain of some marital thwack,
Oh, what a surprise!
"_She_," sighed the girl, "has a beautiful chump,
Though she _do_ seem to 'ave got the 'ump.
_Them_ pair o' lamps never felt a thump,
_Them_ lovely brown eyes!"

_Chorus._

Two lovely brown eyes!
Oh, what a surprise!
Something seemed telling that man he was wrong,
Two lovely brown eyes!

Say, was it fancy? I saw a flush
O'er the coarse cheeks of that Coster rush,
"Stash it!" he murmured. A Coster blush?
Oh, what a surprise!
SALLIE,--she clung to his muscular arm--
With a look half lovingness, half alarm,
He stooped and--kissed her! Now, was it _your_ charm,
Two lovely brown eyes?

_Chorus._

Two lovely brown eyes!
Oh, what a surprise!
Was it your influence, gentle yet strong,
Two lovely brown eyes?

"BILL," whispered she, "you may bet two _d
She_ never nagged at 'er bloke--like _me_--
He never wheeled a whelk-barrer, d'yer see?
Oh, what a surprise!
Parties with cultcher and piles o'cash
Ain't no temptation to row or bash,
But--who's to tell but she's jilted '_er_ mash--
Miss Lovely Brown Heyes?"

_Chorus._

Two lovely brown eyes!
Oh, what a surprise!
Twinkled like stars 'twixt a tear and a frown,
Two lovely brown eyes.

The moral you've caught I can hardly doubt;
On Art _versus_ Morals men sneer or shout,
Leave it to OSCAR to fight _that_ out,
If you would be wise.
Better, far better, it is to let
Beautiful things work their way--you bet!
Then the Coster's wife may less frequently wet
_Her_ lovely brown eyes.

_Chorus._

Two lovely brown eyes!
Oh, what a surprise!
Art-loving-Man is _less_ likely to black
Two lovely brown eyes!

[Illustration]

* * * * *

MEN OF THE PAST.