**

Much relief is felt at the announcement that rather than endanger the
Allies' "solidarity" Lord LANSDOWNE has promised not to agree with
President WILSON again.

***

Bloaters have reached the unprecedented price of six-pence each. It
was hoped that, at any rate, over the Christmas season they would
remain within reach of the upper classes.

***

A man has been charged with stealing a railway sandwich at Harwich. It
appears that the poor fellow, who was lonely, wanted to take it home
as a pet.

***

A contemporary has a headline, "Swearing in the New French Cabinet."
They are beginning early.

***

For adding water to his employer's milk a dairyman's assistant has
been sent to prison. Innocent dairymen must of course be protected.

***

Smokers complain that they are discovering unfamiliar substances in
their tobacco. A sensation has been caused by the expert statement
that they are tobacco.

***

Orchids were sold for as little as two-pence each at a recent sale,
and alarmed growers are clamouring for the immediate appointment of an
Orchid Controller.

***

An evening paper correspondent has complained that he has searched
the shops in vain for a tortoise. So far the various Government
Departments have maintained a dignified silence.

***

It is all nonsense for a contemporary to say that the blizzard in the
North on a recent Saturday did no damage. Several of the football
results were delayed.

***

While visiting Seaton College, New York, the other day, Mr. ROOSEVELT
saluted a statue of ALEXANDER THE GREAT. We have always maintained
that there is nothing petty about the EX-PRESIDENT.

***

The most striking announcement of the year 1917 comes just when it is
almost used up. "There is a steady demand for money," says a Stock
Exchange report.

***

A mummified duck, estimated to be two thousand years old, has been
discovered in a sandstone stratum in Iowa. It is not often that the
poulterers of Iowa are caught napping.

***

An American policeman is said to have written two successful musical
comedies. If we remember rightly it was an English policeman who first
composed the Frog's March.

***

At a Guildford charity fete the winner of a hurdle race was awarded a
new-laid egg. If he succeeds in winning it three years in succession
it is to become his own property.

***

Th