happy he who wins,--
But I, I'm in an awkward place,
My love, you see, is twins.

G.P. DAY.
_Yale Record_.

~The Outward Shows.~

She was the _premiere danseuse_ of the ballet,
And she tripped the light fantastic like a fay;
She was so sweet and cunning,
And withal so very stunning,
That I was bound to meet her right away.

I went behind the scenes after the play,
And imagine my surprise as well you may:
This maid so sweet and cunning,
And withal so very stunning,
I'll swear that she was forty if a day.

_Harvard Lampoon_.

~"As Ye Sow."~

"What awful debts are these, my son?
Not one cent more, forsooth!
I never was a rake like you
In the hey-day of my youth."

"Quite right you are," the sport replied;
"And yet you twist the truth,
For once you used to rake the fields
In the hay-day of your youth."

J. J. MACK, JR.
_Harvard Lampoon._

~On Afric's Golden Sands.~

A wild and warlike Zulu chief
Was he;
His costume was as brief as brief
Could be.
He vowed that he would woo and win
A maid,
But she skipped out and left him in
The shade.
At first she liked him; this was how
She ceased--
He simply _wouldn't_ wear his trou-
Sers creased.

_University Herald._

~Two Simple Little Ostriches.~

Now we can talk. Thank goodness, that old bore
Who took me out is talking business o'er
With some one else. The roses were so sweet,
You reckless fellow. It's such fun to meet
Like ordinary friends, while no one knows
Our precious secret. Do you like my clothes?
They're new. You dear! I'm really looking well?
Why don't you like the sleeves? They're very swell.
"They're more offensive than my buzz-saw hat?"
What do you mean? O Jack! How simply flat!
They sha'n't keep you away, dear. Now take care!
No, keep your hands at home. _You've seen the Fair,
Of course?_ They're listening, Jack. Do try to talk.
_I'm glad they didn't have it in New York,
Aren't you? Two weeks of it was quite enough.
The Ferris Wheel._ You wretch! 'Twas rather rough
To make me do it at all, while you sat back
And howled at me. When we are married, Jack,--
O dearest, please be careful! They will guess,
If you don't look less interested. Yes, yes,
You know I do. Oh, dearly. By and by
I'll give you three. Well, four. _Will Congress try
To introduce new silver laws?_ Don't laugh!
_I wish they could do something in behalf
Of all the hungry people out of work_.