thought of each. For
Edward I felt an involuntary respect, which made me shrink
from expressing, before him, any opinion, or any sentiment
which he was likely to condemn; he seemed inclined to judge me
with peculiar severity, and I sometimes felt provoked at the
calm sternness of his manner on these occasions, especially on
comparing it with the smiling indifference with which he would
listen to Henry Lovell's satirical remarks, which I secretly
felt to be more deserving of blame than my own thoughtless
observations, little as I could withstand myself the
extraordinary fascination which his peculiar tone of mind and
conversation exercised on those about him.

In the summer of the year 18--, my cousin Julia had a long and
severe illness. For some days she lay at the point of death;
and, for the first time in my life, I saw the expression of
anguish in the face I loved best in the world. Mrs.
Middleton's grief seemed out of proportion with the degree of
affection she had hitherto apparently felt for her child; and
there was a wildness in her sorrow which surprised as much as
it affected me. Long afterwards, it struck me that something
of remorse, at the preference she had so openly shown for me,
and at the coldness with which she had regarded her daughter,
might have added to the misery she then experienced. But, at
the time, this idea never occurred to me; I thought I had
underrated the strength of my aunt's feelings, and only
wondered at the intensity of an affection which had never
betrayed itself to that extent before.

After a few anxious days and nights, my cousin rallied, and by
degrees recovered; but did not regain the state of robust
health which she had previously enjoyed. My aunt's devotion to
her was unceasing: she patiently watched over her, and
attended to every wish and fancy that she expressed. Julia's
temper, which had never been good, grew gradually worse; and
it required all a mother's forbearance to endure her continual
waywardness and caprice. She had never seemed to feel much
affection for me, but now her indifference grew into positive
dislike, and nothing I could say or do ever succeeded in
pleasing her. When left in my charge, she would invariably
insist upon doing something or other which I was obliged to
prohibit or prevent; and the slightest opposition to her will
would instantly produce such fits of passion, and of crying,
that my aunt at her return found her frequently in such a
state