. I was utterly free, utterly
blest. I did, indeed, once send my thought to the home which I loved,
and saw a darkened house, and my dear ones moving about with grief
written legibly on their faces. I saw my mother sitting looking at
some letters which I perceived to be my own, and was aware that she
wept. But I could not even bring myself to grieve at that, because I
knew that the same peace and joy that filled me was also surely
awaiting them, and the darkest passage, the sharpest human suffering,
seemed so utterly little and trifling in the light of my new knowledge;
and I was soon back on my cliff-top again, content to wait, to rest, to
luxuriate in a happiness which seemed to have nothing selfish about it,
because the satisfaction was so perfectly pure and natural.
While I thus waited I became aware, with the same sort of sudden
perception, of a presence beside me. It had no outward form; but I
knew that it was a spirit full of love and kindness: it seemed to me to
be old; it was not divine, for it brought no awe with it; and yet it
was not quite human; it was a spirit that seemed to me to have been
human, but to have risen into a higher sphere of perception. I simply
felt a sense of deep and pure companionship. And presently I became
aware that some communication was passing between my consciousness and
the consciousness of the newly-arrived spirit. It did not take place
in words, but in thought; though only by words can I now represent it.
"Yes," said the other, "you do well to rest and to be happy: is it not
a wonderful experience? and yet you have been through it many times
already, and will pass through it many times again."
I suppose that I did not wholly understand this, for I said: "I do not
grasp that thought, though I am certain it is true: have I then died
before?"
"Yes," said the other, "many times. It is a long progress; you will
remember soon, when you have had time to reflect, and when the sweet
novelty of the change has become more customary. You have but returned
to us again for a little; one needs that, you know, at first; one needs
some refreshment and repose after each one of our lives, to be renewed,
to be strengthened for what comes after."
All at once I understood. I knew that my last life had been one of
many lives lived at all sorts of times and dates, and under various
conditions; that at the end of each I had returned to this joyful
freedom.
It was the first cloud
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