do but praise it
again? The third attempt upon my life was made by this most excellent
and hospitable lady; but I gave way, and had to beg off. Human nature
could stand it no longer. The consequence was, I wounded her feelings.
She regretted very much that I disliked Nantucket pudding, and I don't
think ever quite forgave me for my prejudice against that article of
diet, though her kindness laid me up sick for two weeks. Nor is this
an isolated case. I might relate a thousand others in illustration of
the melancholy fact that hospitality has been the bane of my life.
When I think of all the sufferings I have endured out of mere
politeness--though by no means accounted a polite person--tears of
grief and indignation spring to my eyes. Old John Rogers at the stake
never suffered such martyrdom. But there is an end of it! The _tchai_
of Moscow finished all this sort of thing--so far, at least, as the
male sex is concerned. I would still eat a coyote or a weasel to
oblige a lady, but as to drinking two gallons of strong tea per day,
dashed with Cognac to reduce its temperature, to oblige any man that
ever wore a beard, I solemnly declare I'll die first. The thing is an
imposition--an outrage. Every man has a right to my time, my purse, my
real estate in Oakland, my coat, my boots, or my razor--nay, in a case
of emergency, my tooth-brush--but no man has a right to deluge my
diaphragm with slops, or make a ditch of Mundus of my stomach.

[Illustration: EFFECTS OF "LITTLE WATER."]

At the Peterskoi Gardens we had a little more tea, dashed with
_vodka_, to keep out the night air. As soon as the fire-works were
over we adjourned to the pavilion, and refreshed ourselves with a
little more tea slightly impregnated with some more _vodka_. Now I
don't know exactly what this vodka is made of, but I believe it is an
extract of corn. In the Russian language _voda_ is water, and _vodka_
means "little water." There certainly was very little in what we got,
or the tea must have been stronger than usual, for, notwithstanding
these agreeable young gentlemen protested a gallon of such stuff would
not produce the slightest effect, it seemed to me--though there might
have been some delusion in the idea, arising from ignorance of Russian
customs--that my head went round like a whirligig; and by the time I
took my leave of these experienced young friends and retired to my
room at the _Hotel de Venise_, it did likewise occur to me--though
tha