ect
condition. Everything up to the mark. Absolutely spotless."

"Yes," said Luke. "Mrs. Sharper was an excellent housekeeper. I've
always said so."

Luke had intended to pay Dot and Dash board-wages until he was free to
marry Jona, and then to take them into his service again. But this was
not to be.

"Sorry," said Dot, "but it won't do. Of course we wish you every
happiness, and no doubt in time you'll get used to not suffering so
much, and not being misunderstood so frequent. But me and Dash has
been brought up respectable, and respectable we shall remain. I've no
doubt your good lady thought it was all right, and went to church with
him, and signed the book and all that. But facts are facts, and the
fact is that for years and years she was living the life of open sin
with that Lord Tyburn. No, we couldn't stick it. Besides, I'm going to
marry Hector to take entire charge of a small flat, one in family, no
children or washing, every Sunday, and frequent outings. And my
sister's doing the same with Albert. All the same, here's luck."

Our friend, Mr. Alfred Jingle, solicitor, arranged everything
splendidly. He prevented Luke from inserting, in a moment of
enthusiasm, an advertisement under the Fashionable Intelligence in the
daily press that a divorce had been arranged and would shortly take
place, between Luke Sharper, Esq., formerly of Jawbones, Halfpenny
Hole, and Mabel, his wife. The case was undefended, and the day after
the decree was made absolute Luke married Jona.

Nor did Mr. Alfred Jingle forget, when he made out his bill of costs,
to include in his out-of-pocket expenses, the cost of certain
luncheons and drinks which Mr. Sharper would, no doubt, have defrayed
had he not at that time been in a condition of absent-mindedness
induced by martyrdom.

Not only did Lord Tyburn succeed in getting his photograph on to the
back page of the "_Daily Mail_." There was also another photograph of
the four ladies whom he had married, reading from left to right. He
did everything well.

THE END

Transcriber's Notes:

1. This book is a parody on the biographies of it's times; as a result,
very few changes have been made, other than obvious typesetter errors.

2. On the title page, there were two lines of words that were typeset
with "strikethroughs"; these have been indicated by the addition of
"=" before and after the lines.

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of If Wi