* * * *

FROM OUR OWN "PUNCH"

A MANCHESTER autograph collector, we are
informed, has just offered L50 for the signature
of Tea Carlyle.

* * * * *

FROM OUR OWN "MISSIONARY HERALD"

From what clouds cannot sunshine be distilled!
When, in a fit of godless rage, Mr.
Carlyle threw a teacup at the good woman he
had vowed at the altar to love, honour, and
obey, she smiled and the thought of China
entered her head.

Yesterday Mrs. Carlyle enrolled as a missionary,
and will sail for the benighted land
of the heathen to-morrow.

* * * * *

FROM OUR OWN "NEW YORK SUN"

Fortunate is MRS. JANE WELSH CARLYLE
to have escaped with her life, though if she
had not, no American worthy of the traditions
of Washington could simulate acute
sorrow. MR. CARLYLE, wearied of the dilatory
methods of the BAKERIAN War Department,
properly took the law into his own
strong hands.

The argument that resulted in the teacup's
leaving MR. CARLYLE'S hands was common in
most households. It transpires that MRS.
CARLYLE, with a Bolshevistic tendency that
makes patriots wonder what the Department
of Justice--to borrow a phrase from a newspaper
cartoonist--thinks about, had been
championing the British-Wilson League of
Nations, that league which will make ironically
true our "E Pluribus Unum"--one of
many. Repeated efforts by MR. CARLYLE, in
appeals to the Department of Justice, the
Military Intelligence Division, and the City
Government, were of no avail. And so MR.
CARLYLE, like the red-blooded American he
is, did what the authorities should have saved
him the embarrassing trouble of doing.

* * * * *

FROM OUR OWN "CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR"

It is reported that Mr. Thomas Carlyle has
thrown a teacup at Mrs. Carlyle, and much
exaggerated and acrid comment has been
made on this incident.

If it had been a whiskey glass, or a cocktail
glass, the results might have been fatal.
In Oregon, which went dry in 1916, the number
of women hit by crockery has decreased
4.2 per cent in three years. Of 1,844 women
in Oregon hit by crockery in 1915, 1,802 were
hit by glasses containing, or destined to contain,
alcoholic stimulants. More than 94 per
cent of these accidents resulted fatally. The
remaining 22 women, hit by tea or coffee
cups, are now happy, useful members of
society.

If Amy Lowell Had Been