d
of the luscious vegetable he so much enjoyed, he found he had taken into
his capacious mouth something about as hot and burning as fire itself.
To relieve his agony, he applied his hand to his mouth, at the same time
using his napkin to remove the tears and perspiration, and also conceal
the contractions of his face, when, hastily casting a glance around the
table, he at once discovered the point of the joke in the countenances
of those around him. Summoning all his coolness for the instant, he very
deliberately deposited the 'pesky' thing in his hand, and then returned
it to the plate with all the gravity he could command, remarking at the
same time, 'With your permission, gentlemen, I will put _that_ d--d
thing back!'

Whether Jeff. Davis and his satellites would not like to perform the
same operation with their pet dogma, Secession, I leave for your readers
to decide; remarking that, in my own opinion, they would sleep better if
they were back again, as in 1860. Prisons and halters are not pleasant
to reflect on and anticipate, particularly when they are remarkably well
deserved, as they are.

Old ETHAN ALLEN! Would he were alive again! Oh, for one hour of that
DUNDEE! Well, the time will answer its own needs, and this war will not
pass by without its man of iron. He cometh! Who is he to be? GEORGE
MCCLELLAN, you have it in you!

Put on steam, and win us the great victory of all time!

* * * * *

Should any man ever collect into a volume all the stories told of the
great American showman, we trust that he will not omit the following:

BARNUM'S PIGEON.

Barnum sat in his office. It was a warm summer afternoon, but the B was
busy, as usual. He had before him a plan for exhibiting the great
Guyascutus on improved principles, a letter from a man who owned a wife
with three arms (to be had cheap), and another from the fortunate
proprietor of the great Singing Pig. An offer or petition from the great
'ex' J---- s B---- n to lecture cheaply had been considered and
rejected.

'He's played out!' was the brief reflection of Barnum. As he said this
the door opened, and there entered a manifest German, who bore a covered
cage.

'Vat you bedinks of _dat!_ exclaimed the Deutscher, removing the cloth.

It was a beautiful bird; of perfect pigeon shape, but of an exquisite
golden yellow lustre, such as no fowl which Mr. Barnum had ever
seen--and his ornithological observations had not b