d to get away from this subject, leaving the audience far from
satisfied, and turn to the next question. It said--

_Is the Candidate aware that the important township of Spratling is
entirely without a pier or jetty of any description?_

"Certainly I am aware of it," I replied, trying hard to remember where
the place was. The audience began to titter, and I felt uneasy.

My questioner, a saturnine gentleman in the pit, rose to his feet and
continued--

"And if returned to Parliament, will you exert your influence to see
that a jetty is constructed there at the earliest opportunity?"

"Cer----" There was a very slight movement beside me. Robin was leaning
back unconcernedly in his chair, but on the table under my nose lay a
sheet of paper bearing these words in large printed capitals--

SPRATLING IS TEN MILES FROM THE SEA!

It had been a near thing.

"Certainly," I continued. "On one condition only," I added at the top of
my voice, above the rising tide of mocking laughter,--"on condition that
you, sir, will personally guarantee a continuous and efficient service
of fast steamers between Spratling and--the sea-coast!"

It was not a brilliant effort. I think I could have made more of it if I
had had more time. But it served. How they laughed!

But there were breakers ahead. The next question asked if I was in
favour of compulsory land purchase and small holdings. Of course I was
not; but if I said so I knew I should rouse a dangerous storm, for the
community were much bitten at the time with the "Vine and Fig-tree
Fetish," as some one had happily described it. If, on the other hand, I
said Yes, I should, besides telling a lie,--though, as Cash once
remarked to me, "You can't strain at gnats on polling-day,"--be
committing myself to a scheme, which I knew Stridge had been strongly
urging, for dividing up some of the estate of the Lord of the Manor, the
Earl of Carbolton (whom I knew personally for one of the wisest and most
considerate landlords in the country) into allotments for the benefit of
an industrial population who probably thought that turnips grew on
trees. It would have been easy to make some easily broken promise, but I
have my poor pride, and I never offer the most academic blessing to a
measure that I am not prepared to go into a Lobby for. I wanted time to
think. Perhaps Robin would slip something on to the table. I accordingly
played my usual card, and said--

"Now this, gentleman, is an impor