n much to her, really. The second day, she
lost it, and never even remembered she had had it, till some
days afterwards.

The long weeks went by. There came the constant bad news of
the war. And she felt as if all, outside there in the world,
were a hurt, a hurt against her. And something in her soul
remained cold, apathetic, unchanging.

Her life was always only partial at this time, never did she
live completely. There was the cold, unliving part of her. Yet
she was madly sensitive. She could not bear herself. When a
dirty, red-eyed old woman came begging of her in the street, she
started away as from an unclean thing. And then, when the old
woman shouted acrid insults after her, she winced, her limbs
palpitated with insane torment, she could not bear herself.
Whenever she thought of the red-eyed old woman, a sort of
madness ran in inflammation over her flesh and her brain, she
almost wanted to kill herself.

And in this state, her sexual life flamed into a kind of
disease within her. She was so overwrought and sensitive, that
the mere touch of coarse wool seemed to tear her nerves.

CHAPTER XII

SHAME

Ursula had only two more terms at school. She was studying
for her matriculation examination. It was dreary work, for she
had very little intelligence when she was disjointed from
happiness. Stubbornness and a consciousness of impending fate
kept her half-heartedly pinned to it. She knew that soon she
would want to become a self-responsible person, and her dread
was that she would be prevented. An all-containing will in her
for complete independence, complete social independence,
complete independence from any personal authority, kept her
dullishly at her studies. For she knew that she had always her
price of ransom--her femaleness. She was always a woman,
and what she could not get because she was a human being, fellow
to the rest of mankind, she would get because she was a female,
other than the man. In her femaleness she felt a secret riches,
a reserve, she had always the price of freedom.

However, she was sufficiently reserved about this last
resource. The other things should be tried first. There was the
mysterious man's world to be adventured upon, the world of daily
work and duty, and existence as a working member of the
community. Against this she had a subtle grudge. She wanted to
make her conquest also of this man's world.

So she ground away at her work, never giving it up. Some
things sh