west the British marked fresh progress south of
Achiet-le-Petit, where their lines were advanced on a front of 2
kilometres (1-1/4 miles). Finally the Germans fell back for the length
of 2 kilometres (5/8 mile) between Essarts and Gommecourt."--_The
Evening News._

The road home always seems shorter.

* * * * *

"The enemy went at the moment when he left because he was shelled
out."--_Daily Mail._

Of course he might have had a different motive if he had gone the moment
after he left.

* * * * *

"She was wearing a three-quarter red coat with glass buttons to match a
heavy blue skirt with low neck."

We never have approved of these _decolletes_ skirts.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _First Flapper._ "THE CHEEK OF THAT CONDUCTOR! HE GLARED AT
ME AS IF I HADN'T PAID ANY FARE."

_Second Flapper._ "AND WHAT DID YOU DO?"

_First Flapper._ "I JUST GLARED BACK AT HIM--AS IF I HAD!"]

* * * * *

THE FRUIT MERCHANT.

"I feel regular down this morning, Sir," said Private Thomas Weeks, as I
seated myself beside his bed; "regular down, I do."

It was such a very unusual greeting from this source that I said anxiously,
"Not the leg gone wrong?"

"No, the old leg's fine. It's the stopping of the imports." He indicated
the morning paper which he had just laid aside. "It's just about bust up my
old business."

I took the paper and glanced down the list of prohibited articles. Clocks
and parts thereof, perfumery, and quails (live) caught my eye. I didn't
think it could be any of these.

"What was your business?" I asked.

"Fruit merchant, Sir. Barrow trade, you understand. 'Awker, some calls it.
But it don't much matter now what it's called, 'cos it's bust up."

"Not quite bust up, is it?" I said. "Only a bit cut down for a time."

"That may be," he said, "but I got a strong affection for the trade, Sir, a
very strong affection, and I can't 'elp feeling it. Why, rightly speaking,
it was the fruit trade what got me my D.C.M."

"Did it though? How was that?"

"Well, it was like this. I bin callin' fruit a good many years. I could
call fruit with anyone. When I calls ''Oo sez a blood orange?' at
Kennington Lane, you could 'ear it pretty well as far as New Cross. Same
with ''Ave a banana?' If you're to do the trade you must make the people
'ear. It ain't no goo