said dully, as if to himself.

"I know how you feel," Julia said without emotion, "because of course I
feel that way, too--now! And I never loved him, never even thought I
did! It was only a little while--two weeks or three, I guess--before I
told him I couldn't ever love him. I said I thought I might, but it was
like--like realizing that I had been throwing away gold pieces for
dimes. Do you know what I mean? And the most awful disgust came over me,
Jim--a sort of disappointment, that this talked-of and anticipated thing
was no more than that! And then I came here, and I knew that keeping
still about it was my only chance, and oh, how sick I was, soul and
body, for a fresh start! And then your aunt talked to me, and said what
a pity it is that young girls think of nothing but love and lovers, and
so throw away their best years, and I thought that I was done with love;
no more curiosity--no more thrill--and that I would do something with my
life after all!"

Her voice dropped, and again there was silence in the room. Jim
continued to pace the floor.

"Why, there's never been a morning at St. Anne's that I haven't looked
at those girls," Julia presently resumed, "and said to myself that I
might have been there, with my head shaved and a green check dress on!
Lots of them must be better than I!"

"Don't!" Jim said sharply, and there was a silence until Julia said
wonderingly:

"Isn't it funny that all last night, and the night before, I thought I
was going to _die_, telling you this--and now it just doesn't seem to
matter at all?"

"That's why you've never married?" Jim said, clearing his throat.

"I've never wanted to until now," Julia said. "And I--I am so changed
now that somehow I would never think of that--that bad old time, in
connection with marriage! It was as if that part of my life was sealed
beyond opening again--

"And then you came. I only wanted no one to guess that I cared at first.
And then, when I saw that you were beginning to care, too, oh, my God! I
thought my heart would burst!"

And with sudden terrible passion in her voice, she got up in her turn
and began to pace the room. Jim, who had flung himself into a chair
opposite hers, rested his elbows on the table, and his face in his
hands.

"But I feel this about your caring for me, Jim," Julia said. "In a
strange, mysterious way I feel that giving you up--giving you up, my
best and dearest, is purification! When--when this is over, I shal