feel like jumping out
of the window and putting an end to those monotonous events from which
we can never escape.

"Each day, when I shave, I feel an inordinate desire to cut my throat;
and my face, which I see in the little mirror, always the same, with
soap on my cheeks, has several times made me weak from sadness.

"Now I even hate to be with people whom I used to meet with pleasure; I
know them so well, I can tell just what they are going to say and what
I am going to answer. Each brain is like a circus, where the same horse
keeps circling around eternally. We must circle round always, around the
same ideas, the same joys, the same pleasures, the same habits, the same
beliefs, the same sensations of disgust.

"The fog was terrible this evening. It enfolded the boulevard, where
the street lights were dimmed and looked like smoking candles. A heavier
weight than usual oppressed me. Perhaps my digestion was bad.

"For good digestion is everything in life. It gives the inspiration to
the artist, amorous desires to young people, clear ideas to thinkers,
the joy of life to everybody, and it also allows one to eat heartily
(which is one of the greatest pleasures). A sick stomach induces
scepticism unbelief, nightmares and the desire for death. I have often
noticed this fact. Perhaps I would not kill myself, if my digestion had
been good this evening.

"When I sat down in the arm-chair where I have been sitting every day
for thirty years, I glanced around me, and just then I was seized by
such a terrible distress that I thought I must go mad.

"I tried to think of what I could do to run away from myself. Every
occupation struck me as being worse even than inaction. Then I bethought
me of putting my papers in order.

"For a long time I have been thinking of clearing out my drawers; for,
for the last thirty years, I have been throwing my letters and bills
pell-mell into the same desk, and this confusion has often caused me
considerable trouble. But I feel such moral and physical laziness at the
sole idea of putting anything in order that I have never had the courage
to begin this tedious business.

"I therefore opened my desk, intending to choose among my old papers and
destroy the majority of them.

"At first I was bewildered by this array of documents, yellowed by age,
then I chose one.

"Oh! if you cherish life, never disturb the burial place of old letters!

"And if, perchance, you should, take the contents