Your kind heart will doubtless prompt you to tell me
that no clergyman could be safe in his parish if he were
to allow the opinion of chance parishioners to prevail
against him; and you would probably lay down for my
guidance that grand old doctrine "Nil conscire sibi, nulla
pallescere culpa." Presuming that you may do so, I will
acknowledge such guidance to be good. If my mind were
clear in this matter, I would not budge an inch for any
farmer,--no, nor for any bishop, further than he might by
law compel me! But my mind is not clear. I do grow pale,
and my hair stands on end with horror, as I confess to
myself that I do not know whether I stole this money or
no! Such is the fact. In all sincerity I tell you that I
know not whether I be guilty or innocent. It may be that
I picked up the cheque from the floor of my room, and
afterwards took it out and used it, not knowing whence it
had come to me. If it be so, I stole it, and am guilty
before the laws of my country. If it be so, I am not fit
to administer the Lord's sacraments to these people. When
the cup was last in my hand and I was blessing them,
I felt that I was not fit, and I almost dropped the
chalice. That God will know my weakness and pardon me
the perplexity of my mind,--that is between Him and His
creature.

As I read my letter over to myself I feel how weak are my
words, and how inefficient to explain to you the exact
position in which I stand; but they will suffice to
convince you that I am assuredly purposed to resign this
parish of Hogglestock, and that it is therefore incumbent
on you, as patron of the living, to nominate my successor
to the benefice. I have only further to ask your pardon
for this long letter, and to thank you again for the many
and great marks of friendship which you have conferred on
me. Alas, could you have foreseen in those old days how
barren of all good would have been the life of him you
then esteemed, you might perhaps have escaped the disgrace
of being called the friend of one whom no one now regards
with esteem.

Nevertheless, I may still say that I am,
With all affection, yours truly,

JOSIAH CRAWLEY.

The last paragraph of the letter was also added since his wife had
read it. When he had first composed the letter, he had been somewhat
proud of his words, thinking that he had clearly told