s What's-her-name, the woman
with the squint eye, and that immense Mrs. Crowder. It's so stoopid,
that if it weren't for Touchit coming down sometimes, and the billiards
and boatin', I should die here--expire, by gad! Why don't you have some
pretty women into the house, Lady Kicklebury?

LADY K.--Why! Do you think I want that picture taken down: and another
Mrs. Milliken? Wisehead! If Horace married again, would he be your
banker, and keep this house, now that ungrateful son of mine has turned
me out of his? No pretty woman shall come into the house whilst I am
here.

K.--Governess seems a pretty woman: weak eyes, bad figure, poky, badly
dressed, but doosid pretty woman.

LADY K.--Bah! There is no danger from HER. She is a most faithful
creature, attached to me beyond everything. And her eyes--her eyes
are weak with crying for some young man who is in India. She has his
miniature in her room, locked up in one of her drawers.

K.--Then how the doose did you come to see it?

LADY K.--We see a number of things, Clarence. Will you drive with me?

K.--Not as I knows on, thank you. No, Ma; drivin's TOO slow: and you're
goin' to call on two or three old dowagers in the Park? Thank your
ladyship for the delightful offer.

Enter JOHN.

JOHN.--Please, sir, here's the man with the bill for the boats; two
pound three.

K.--Damn it, pay it--don't bother ME!

JOHN.--Haven't got the money, sir.

LADY K.--Howell! I saw Mr. Milliken give you a cheque for twenty-five
pounds before he went into town this morning. Look sir [runs, opens
drawer, takes out cheque-book]. There it is, marked, "Howell, 25L."

JOHN.--Would your ladyship like to step down into my pantry and see what
I've paid with the twenty-five pounds? Did my master leave any orders
that your ladyship was to inspect my accounts?

LADY K.--Step down into the pantry! inspect your accounts? I never heard
such impertinence. What do you mean, sir?

K.--Dammy, sir, what do you mean?

JOHN.--I thought as her ladyship kept a heye over my master's private
book, she might like to look at mine too.

LADY K.--Upon my word, this insolence is too much.

JOHN.--I beg your ladyship's pardon. I am sure I have said nothing.

K.--Said, sir! your manner is mutinous, by Jove, sir! if I had you in
the regiment!--

JOHN.--I understood that you had left the regiment, sir, just before it
went on the campaign, sir.

K.--Confound you, sir! [Starts up.]

LADY K.--Clarence, my ch