it upon miself to say, Mr. Cheermon, dat dere is such a
word, and widout enny furder surcumloscrution, or bein' too pertickler
about de orrytorrycal effec of mere metumsquorricle figgurs of speech, I
will perceed to denounce it in your heerin'. (Sotto voce.) Kill. (A pause,
followed by a lumbering sound and the disappearance of two woolly crowns.)

I trus', Mr. Cheermon, dat dis am considered no interbumption, an' if enny
oder brudder should feel discomposed to roll off de bench jurin de fudder
discontinuance of dese remarks, it won't be tuk as no mark of misrespex to
the gemmen who has de floor. But, to rejerk to de subjec' in ban'. De bes'
excepted, and de only excepted, siggerfication of de consummant k, am de
mistickle wurd just denounced in your hearin', and I shall ax you to
squeeze dat pint, while I maix a rapid sarch over dickshummary groun' for
de indecks belongins of de rejineder part of dis word klu, dat is, de
consummant l, and de avowal u. In respex to de consummant l, I would wish
to say in de fust place, fustly, dat the mixtur' of learned doubts
enterin' into its conjugation am not near so obfusticatin' as de las'
beforesed, an' dat havin' obtaned de persac fractional squantum of de
befogoin, we can, as it wur, look fowards to subsumquent revolutions of de
topic. Darfore, widout enterin' into de rejux system of argyfyin fudder
dan to appli de rools dat was foun' to wurk so hamboniously in respex to
de las' named, we arrives at de delusion dat de mos' acceptumble
renderation of de consummant l is to be foun' in de mistickle terms lick,
licks, and "lick 'em," or de las' beforesed in purtickler, or all three in
purpentickler. Now, if enny brudder whose sperience and obserwashun am
purtickler sensitiv on dis pint, feels cauled upon to say dat de most
pinted complication of dis consummant is to be foun' in de word "lam," or
dat it was made to order for de word "lash," or was put into de alfumbet
wid special reffermence to de wurd "larrup," or was made out'n whole clof
as a prehitch for "lambaste," I will 'low him dat privumlege, and widout
been outdone in dishonorableness, will give him de floor when I discludes.

In pointrefax, Mr. Cheermon, when we looks at all de crosses and dotses of
dis argyment, when we sees all its pros and cros, de delusion am forced
upon us, _roles bolus_ (nolens volens), so to speak, and in de langwidge
of one of our country's most illustrious poicks, "Dat do settle it."

Havin' fou