them in
jail.'

So the constabulary have some value after all, in spite of the sneers of
Home Rule members in the House of Commons.

Half a dozen Kerry priests screeched with laughter when I told them that
story in the train, having met them on a journey to Farranfore.

Here is another I also gave them on that occasion.

A couple of policemen were discussing the state of Ireland once upon a
time.

Says Dan to Mick:--

'Sure we'll niver get peace and quiet in the blessed country until we
fetch Oliver Cromwell up from hell to settle the unruly.'

Replies Mick to Dan:--

'Have done, you fool, isn't he a deal quieter where he is?'

Judge Keagh thought worse of his fellow countrymen than do other men
with less than his great experience, and although a Roman Catholic, he
had to be escorted by two constables wherever he went.

He was told that he ought to be guarded by four policemen, because the
two might be attacked.

But he knew the man that said it wanted to make the protection more
conspicuous, so he replied:--

'Sir, I have the most implicit confidence in the invincible cowardice of
my fellow countrymen.'

That recalls an observation of my own.

On one occasion, a telegram was sent from the Chief Inspector of
Constabulary in Kerry to the Scotland Yard authorities to say there was
to be an attempt to murder me in London, and in consequence a gentleman
from the department for providing traffic directors in metropolitan
streets called at my house in Elvaston Place, to inquire what police
protection I wanted.

'None,' said I, 'for if a man shoots me in London he'll be hung, and
every Irish scoundrel is careful of his own neck. It's altogether
another matter in Ireland, where Mr. Gladstone has carefully provided
that he shall be tried by a jury, the majority of which are certain to
be land leaguers.'

I brought out the same idea on a more important occasion.

Once, in Mr. Froude's house, Professor Max Mueller--who was a great
admirer of Mr. Gladstone--remarked that after all I had not much reason
to complain, because I had had plenty of police protection in Ireland.

'I should prefer equal laws,' said I.

'What inequality of law have you to find fault with?' he asked.

'Well,' I replied, 'if a land leaguer shoots me in Ireland, he will be
tried by a jury of land leaguers. If I shoot one of them, I would
require that I be tried by a jury of landlords, and if that be granted
I'll clear the road for my