se her; for she could not possibly see me, nor
anybody else, for it was opera-night."

"Methinks," says I, "such innocent folly as two old women's courtship
to each other should rather make you merry than put you out of humour."
"Peace, good Isaac," says he, "no interruption, I beseech you. I got
soon to Mrs. Feeble's, she that was formerly Betty Frisk; you must needs
remember her; Tom Feeble, of Brazen Nose, fell in love with her for her
fine dancing. Well, Mrs. Ursula, without further ceremony, carries me
directly up to her mistress's chamber, where I found her environed by
four of the most mischievous animals than can ever infest a family; an
old shock dog with one eye, a monkey chained to one side of the chimney,
a great grey squirrel to the other, and a parrot waddling in the middle
of the room. However, for awhile all was in a profound tranquillity.
Upon the mantle-tree, for I am a pretty curious observer, stood a pot of
lambative electuary, with a stick of liquorice, and near it a phial of
rose-water, and powder of tutty. Upon the table lay a pipe filled with
betony and colt's-foot, a roll of wax-candle, a silver spitting-pot, and
a Seville orange. The lady was placed in a large wicker chair, and
her feet wrapped up in flannel, supported by cushions; and in this
attitude--would you believe it, Isaac?--was she reading a romance with
spectacles on. The first compliments over, as she was industriously
endeavouring to enter upon conversation, a violent fit of coughing
seized her. This awakened Shock, and in a trice the whole room was in an
uproar; for the dog barked, the squirrel squealed, the monkey chattered,
the parrot screamed, and Ursula, to appease them, was more clamorous
than all the rest. You, Isaac, who know how any harsh noise affects my
head, may guess what I suffered from the hideous din of these discordant
sounds. At length all was appeased, and quiet restored: a chair was
drawn for me; where I was no sooner seated, but the parrot fixed his
horny beak, as sharp as a pair of shears, in one of my heels, just above
the shoe. I sprang from the place with an unusual agility, and so, being
within the monkey's reach, he snatches off my new bob-wig, and throws
it upon two apples that were roasting by a sullen sea-coal fire. I
was nimble enough to save it from any further damage than singeing the
fore-top. I put it on; and composing myself as well as I could, I drew
my chair towards the other side of the chimney.